The Stars In My Universe
by IShipManyThings
Summary: Tori Vega has an undying love for Jade West. She deems her as the "brightest star in her universe." Jade, however, pushes Tori away, due to a haunting fear. But when an unusual turn of events draws them together—including a cliché acting project, an injured ice cream truck vendor, and some astronomy homework—their feelings may finally be acted upon in the strangest ways.
1. Prologue (Tori)

**Tori.**

My whole world revolves around a girl who has a burning hatred for me. 

These terrifying emotions had occurred the first day I arrived at Hollywood Arts High School. I walked in with only my sister to depend, and then kissed the boyfriend of an extremely possessive girlfriend. And I got scalding-hot coffee dumped onto me. 

However, as my skull burned from the beverage, my heart burned with affection; the newfound emotions scared me. Actually, scratch that-_petrified_ me. 

I knew I liked girls over guys, but out of all of the girls in Hollywood Arts, _Jade_? The cruel, seemingly heartless girl who only cared about herself?

But having spent over a year with her has made me realize her vulnerability. She's not stone; she is a living, breathing, compassionate human being. She is yet to show me her compassionate side, though. 

Unfortunately, just as we were on the road to a good friendship (after many laborious months, Jesus Christ), she and Beck ended their relationship, and she withdrew into a cocoon that transformed her into a downright bitter person. 

She'd always been bitter beforehand, but not like this. It's like everything from our past was erased; I was stupid Tori from the first day of school again, the stupid chick who tried to steal her fluffy-haired, fine-ass boyfriend. 

That was three months ago, and I've been trying to get back to her ever since. I refuse to give up; although she is most likely straight, I despise seeing her upset. I hate seeing her silent, simply looking at her feet. All life was lost from her. That life was my life. 

Now, music is my life. It is the thing I am most passionate about. My life practically revolves around it. Music is my universe. 

My friends and family are my stars. They are warm, bright, and make my universe more spectacular. The stars are the little details that make my universe more fascinating.

Jade West, however, has somehow wheedled her way into my universe. Every touch, every glance, every smile; it's convinced me to open up to her, let her into my world. She refuses to do the same. 

Despite this, she is the brightest star in my universe. She is bold. She is bright. She is eye-catching and beautiful. Truly someone to marvel at. 

Her burning hatred for me cannot compete with my burning love for her.


	2. Prologue (Jade)

**Jade.**

Walls were built for a reason, right?

The purpose of walls are to guard essentials from foreign or possibly dangerous things or people. Building a house without walls would surely be foolish; anybody could just enter and snatch your valuables, wreck your house, or just patiently wait for you to enter so they could kill you. The list is endless.

So why am I frowned upon whenever I choose to build walls around my heart?

Throughout the unstable relationship with my family and Beck, I've come to realize that my heart is a valuable possession that deserves protection.

When my parents divorced, the first wall was constructed. After twelve years of a seemingly "unbreakable" bond, they, well...broke the bond. It was expected, anyway. Being an only child-and being at a mature age-made them not even bother to lower their voices during their heated arguments. I used to stay up until two A.M., just looking out the window and thinking of my future. Eventually, their voices became like muffled background noise. But the muffled background noise turned into direct confrontation with me._ Jadelyn, is this my fault? Your mother is clearly irresponsible! Jadelyn! Jadelyn!_

Their divorce arrived shortly.

After that, I knew that love, no matter how "strong," would never last. There is no such thing as forever. Forever is bullshit.

When my father suddenly became bitter towards me, the second wall was put up. Losing his wife somehow caused his heart to become a delicate shard of ice: Easily breakable and unforgivingly cold.

The bitterness eventually grew onto me; my parents' divorce made me believe that forever did not exist, and now I believed that everybody was bitter inside. Everybody had a dangerously delicate shard of ice inside of their hearts. They were just waiting to debut.

When my relationship with Beck became rocky, the third wall was built. Beck and I began dating when I was fourteen, and although I resented him for a while, he helped me. He helped me through my parents' divorce, and the bitterness, and everything else. He was my rock; he held me at night whenever I cried, he whispered soothing words into my ear, and he always told me how I was strong enough to power through.

However, rocks break.

Apparently, my attitude and my general personality became too overwhelming for him. I was always pushing him away, and then becoming possessive whenever a girl came within five feet of him. He broke into pebbles, and we got into heated arguments. Beck was a generally friendly human being, but, _damn_, I sure exposed the ice shard within his heart.

This led to my ultimate breakup with him. The fourth wall was built.

It was anticipated for some reason: It was clear as crystal that we were falling apart and that we just wanted out. Even though the breakup was mutual, it honestly hurt like a bitch.

The only person I could go to for consolation was Cat, to my dismay. We've known each other since kindergarten, and although I can be a horrible human being to her, she gives excellent advice. She's actually quite wise; don't let the ditzy appearance fool you.

_"Somebody will break down those walls, whether you like it or not. That person will be your everything. Hey, maybe you'll be breaking down your walls along with them."_

"Well, Miley Cyrus isn't going to be swinging towards my heart on a gigantic wrecking ball anytime soon," was my sarcastic response.

"Tori probably will," she had joked back, and I fell silent.

Tori Vega. The second person I could not completely understand, behind myself. She is so fucking perfect that it is honestly infuriating. The way she thinks she could help everybody and solve the world's problems agitates me.

However, there is always something about her that intrigues me; maybe it is the glint she has in her eyes whenever she makes someone smile or the way she so desperately tries to make me happy. She is a determined girl. Her unwavering determination makes my stomach bubble in anger.

But the fact that she even tries made my heart swell.


	3. Chapter One

**Tori.**

My eyes wander frantically as I walk down the hall, looking for the goth girl. My eyes momentarily fix onto her scissor-adorned locker; nobody there.

I sigh heavily as I continue making my way to my own locker. It completely contrasts hers: Bright, shiny, and positive. I spin the combination and yank open my locker.

"Aww, feeling a bit frustrated, Cheekbones?"

I whirl around to see my first friend in this school, André Harris. His dreads hang around his face as usual, and there is a goofy grin plastered onto his face.

"You feeling okay?" he question. A sly smile then comes across his lips. "Is it because Jadey-poo isn't here?"

I roll my eyes. André was also the first person to know about my crush on Jade; that was over a year ago, and he hasn't stopped teasing me about it since.

"No," I lie. He gives me a knowing smile and I roll my eyes again, placing my bag into my locker and shutting it. "André, it's not because-"

Just then, a tall, pale figure walks through the door, catching my eye. Her long, dark hair with blue streaks cascades down to her shoulders, framing her face perfectly. Her blue-green eyes glistens in the lights; she casually strides over to her locker, shooting bitter glares at students walking by.

_Jade West._

My heart swells up with emotions; butterflies swarm my stomach and a smile twitches onto my face.

André rolls his eyes. "Of course it's because of Jade," he mutters, sauntering off.

I scoff. "It is not-"

"Yes, it is!" he calls back, disappearing into the crowd of students.

I roll my eyes, but he is right. Jade West is the reason why I am awake at night. The reason why my breath hitches in my throat. The reason-

"Tori!" a high voice chirps happily, and I feel skinny arms wrap around me.

I whirl around to see Cat. "Hey, Cat," I greet, grinning.

She brushes her fiery red hair out of her eyes; the color of her hair matches her personality. "Tori! My brother made me a 'special' peanut butter and jelly sandwich today!" she exclaims excitedly, shoving a brown bag in my face. A strange odor emits from it. "Wanna taste?"

I chuckle nervously and softly push the bag away from my face. "No thank you, Cat," I reply politely.

Cat nods vigorously. "Okay, maybe I should drink it myself-"

"Erm, that's not recommended," I advise, carefully snatching the bag from her grasp. "Here, how about this: I throw this away and buy you lunch instead?"

She grins widely and throws her arms around me again, enveloping me in an even tighter hug. I feel my muscles strain.

"Cat," I manage out. "Can't breath."

"Sorry!" she cries out, releasing me.

I gave her a warm smile. I appreciate Cat's innocence and niceness; I can't imagine her ever being upset or angry.

"Anyway, I've got to scurry!" she yelps, patting my head before scrambling down the hall. I chuckle and make my way to my first class: Sikowitz's acting class.

Once I enter the room, I see Beck, André, and Robbie already there. They're seated in their usual spots near the front; Robbie is sitting right where Jade used to sit, which is to the right of Beck.

I sigh. When they broke up three months ago, the once-reserved seat became empty. Jade started sitting in the very back of the classroom, right behind me. Just so Beck wouldn't be lonely, Robbie took the liberty of sitting next to him.

Speaking of Beck, he's been extremely upset since their breakup. His cheerful, outgoing attitude diminished into a quiet, somber one. He's remained friendly-Beck's too kindhearted to become bitter-but he seldom talks or initiates conversation. It's been driving our little group insane.

Robbie gives me a sad look, subtly jerking his head towards Beck. I frown as I sit behind André.

The African American spins around and leans towards me, whispering, "Are we gonna get him back to his old self?"

"No clue," I whisper back honestly. "But this has been going on for far too long."

André nods is agreement as the bell rings. The last few people shuffle into the room, including Cat and Jade. Cat seats herself to the left of me while Jade occupies her usual spot behind me.

A shiver travels down my spine as Sikowitz makes his way to the front of the room. I bite my lip, suppressing the thought of Jade.

"Everybody quiet!" he booms; the chatter immediately dies down. He grins, sipping on his coconut in one hand and toying with the rim of a top hat. "Now, Valentine's Day is approaching-"

"That's my last name!" Cat exclaims excitedly.

"It certainly is, Cat," he says, sighing. He continues: "And romance is in the air!"

I hear Jade scoff from behind me.

"Anyway, I have a project for you to work on," he drawls on; the class groans. "I will assign partners for you to work with; the goal is to create a believable romance scene using your partner and the information I supply you with!" He shakes the hat; the sound of paper rustles inside of it. "Your partner-in the hat of a dead person!"

"Erm, Sikowitz?" Robbie pipes up, foot tapping nervously. "Did you not separate the genders?"

"Don't be a pussy, Robbie," Rex, Robbie's 24/7 companion, mutters. "Don't act like you're not secretly into dudes."

"I'm not!" Robbie splutters, his face now red.

Sikowitz smiles kindly, ignoring the puppet's comment. "Love has no gender, Robbie," he says, placing his coconut on the ground and reaching his hand into the hat.

"Robbie and Cat!" he declares, and Robbie sighs in relief. "Robbie, you are a fairy boy and Cat, you are the fairy queen! The setting is in a magical forest filled with butterflies!"

I can imagine Robbie's eyes widening. Cat giggles from beside me.

"I _love_ fairies!" she cries out happily, her grin wide.

Robbie whirls around to face her and shoots her an awkward grin.

"André and Beck!" Sikowitz exclaims, chuckling to himself a bit.

André begins coughing frantically, and I pat his back soothingly, suppressing a laugh.

Once his cough-and the classes's laughter-subsides, he asks, "Can I switch?"

"Nope," Sikowitz says flatly. "Anyway, the both of you are basketball players on the same team in a secret relationship! You can't be on a relationship due to your loyalty to the team. Setting: Behind the school!"

André groans and Beck sighs heavily. Many girls in the class are grumbling in anger because they are unable to work with Beck.

Sikowitz continues calling out names, either groans or laughter following each pair. I have not been picked yet, and neither has Jade.

Finally, Sikowitz announces there are only two more names in the hat, and my heart rate accelerates.

_Could it be?_

He bites his lip. "Well...Tori and Jade," he announces reluctantly, although I see a ghost of a smile on his lips. Laughter erupts and Cat gasps. André cranes his neck to look at me, a smug grin plastered onto his face. From behind me, Jade is dead silent.

"Tori, you are an intellectual young lady heading off to college. Jade, you are a high school dropout. The setting is outside of an abandoned gas station," Sikowitz informs us over the laughter.

I bite my lip. _I have to work with Jade...I have to pretend to be in love with Jade..._

_Well, I don't have to pretend that last part. _

"Anyway," Sikowitz states loudly, silencing the class, "you are allowed to discuss your plans and whatnot." He glances at the clock. "You have fifteen minutes. The project is due three weeks from now, on Valentine's Day!"

The class erupts in quiet chatter. I turn around to face Jade, my heart thumping in my chest. "Jade?"

She glances up at me, her vibrant blue-green eyes locking with my plain brown ones. "Yes?"

"Do you wanna practice?" I inquire hopefully, giving her a hopeful smile.

She pauses for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. "No," she replies coldly.

My heart sinks and I bite my lip. I glance back at the clock. Fourteen minutes to go.

And three more weeks until Valentine's Day.


	4. Chapter Two

**Jade. **

Lunch rolls around after two more painstaking periods. I set my greasy pizza down on the table as I take a seat.

Although it is late January, the skies are cloudless and it is slightly chilly. I sigh, despising the weather at this moment; why does everything have to be so cheery?

Cat sits down right beside me as usual. That spot was once reserved for Beck only, but ever since the breakup, a lot has changed.

More than seating arrangements have changed.

Beck plants himself right across from me, looking down to clearly avoid eye contact. He runs a hand through his hair, sighing.

André sits down right next to him, a nervous look plastered into his face. Although he usually sits right next to him comfortably, he shuffles farther away.

"I get to be a fairy!" Cat exclaims as Robbie seats himself beside her.

"And I get to be the fairy prince," he mutters, nibbling at his pizza.

"You already are the fairy prince," Rex remarks. "What do you call yourselves? Queers?"

The homophobic joke causes me to tense up. Cat notices, and she shoots me a worried glance.

From the corner of my eye, I see a burrito wrap plop down onto the table. I hear somebody awkwardly shuffle into the seat right next to me; the long, dark brown hair enters my line of vision.

_Tori Vega_. The girl I am somewhat infatuated with and my new partner.

She glances around the table nervously, biting her lip. She can obviously sense the awkward tension, because she unwraps her burrito and casually asks, "So, what's up?"

"I get to be a fairy!" Cat repeats cheerfully, grinning from ear to ear. "And I get to wear a beautiful fairy dress and have a tiara! And Robbie gets to be my fairy prince!" She squeals in excitement.

"Fairy princes wear tights," the curly-haired boy mumbles unenthusiastically.

Tori gives them both a warm smile that makes my stomach bubble with anger. Then she turns her attention to Beck and André.

Before she can speak, André questions quietly, "Beck, did you ever play basketball?"

"Nope," the tanned Canadian responds. His voice is so quiet, it's barely audible. He continues to stare straight down at the ground as he munches on his food.

My stomach flops, but not in the lovey-dovey way; more in the guilty, sickening way. I now have the sudden urge to cry, to stand up on the table and scream at Beck. I want to tell him how heartbroken I am, that he's not the only one feeling like complete shit, and that I'm tired of not communicating with him at all. Most if the time, exes tend to avoid one another, but I'm so familiar with Beck's kindness that I just want to at least maintain a decent friendship. But when relationships that almost last three years are suddenly obliterated, it is extremely difficult to do so.

I guess Beck and I depended on each other. He was my rock; he was the force that held me steady and the boulder that made me feel protected. And I guess I was the wind; I was the force the swayed him every which way and the gust that made things difficult. Despite being ying yang, we loved and depended on each other nevertheless.

Losing the person you love and depend on the most can take an extreme toll on people. The breakup was sudden too; we both could sense its coming, but we didn't know when. And once it had initiated, and we had officially changed our statuses, we had nobody to depend on. We were alone. There was nobody there to hold me steady and nobody there to sway Beck.

So he has resorted to silence and I have resorted to bitterness.

"So, Jade?" Tori's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I glance over at her, taking note of her scared expression.

"Vega."

She bites her lip, and butterflies swarm in my stomach. These awkward and intense feelings for Tori have existed for a while, and they're driving me insane.

Okay, well, a "while" may not be the same as "over a year," but the point has been proven.

"Do you wanna come over and work on our project?" she asks softly, as if she's afraid. I study her expression: She's still biting her lip and she's flinching a little, as if she's bracing herself for a harsh response. However, I notice something flicker across her face for a second; _hope?_

"Sure," I reply dryly, tearing my gaze away from her. "But don't get too into your character; just remember that you'll always be a stupid fucking Mexican."

She doesn't respond to my comment. Instead, she nods and questions, "I'll see you around three then?"

"See you around three, Vega."

XXX

"I thought you liked her," Cat says as she approaches me. I roll my eyes and snatch a purple pair of scissors from the locker, studying it.

"I do, I've told you tons of times."

"Then why do you act like a big gank whenever you're around her?" she demands, sounding frustrated. "You know, when you like somebody, you try to act nice to them so you can get them to like you back!"

I twirl the scissors in my hand. "That's not how I do things, Cat."

"Well, maybe it's how you should start doing them," she huffs. "My brother liked this girl so he started acting really nice to her—you know, doing all her homework and giving her money. So one day, he asked her out and she said yes!"

I roll my eyes, placing the scissors back in my locker. "How long did that relationship last?"

Cat frowns. "Ten days," she informs me reluctantly. "But it only lasted that short because she told him her grandma died and he laughed!"

"What a beautiful relationship. Totally what I'm going to model my future relationships with," I reply sarcastically, shutting my locker. "Look, I've got to work with this chick I'm really into. And she's ninety-nine percent sure I've hated her guts since she's arrived here, so there's no way of digging me out of that mess. Plus, I have to act romantic with her in an _abandoned gas station. _The whole 'romance' shit was already bad enough, but an _abandoned gas station?_ That's where people get raped and murdered!"

"I thought you were into that stuff," Cat says, slightly confused.

"I am!" I assure her. "But not with Tori!"

Cat giggles. "You guys would be so cute together!"

I smack her arm, although a smile makes its way onto my face. "I know."

* * *

**Hello! I'd just to state how incredibly excited I am for this story! It's only been about two days and there's already six reviews and eleven follows! It doesn't seem like much, but this is my first story in this website, and I'm absolutely ecstatic!**

**I greatly appreciate all of the reviews and I'd love to hear more! If you have the need to state something—whether it be a comment or criticism—feel free to do so! If it's something more private, you're always welcome to send me a personal message. (Is that what they're called on this website? I don't know, I'm new here.)**

**Anyway, I'd like to thank you all once more! More will come shortly after this! **


	5. Chapter Three

**Tori. **

"In an abandoned gas station?"

"Yes, in an abandoned gas station!" I confirm, grabbing a container of orange juice from the fridge.

My sister pulls a face. "But that's where people get raped and murdered!"

"Yeah, that was exactly what I thought!" I exclaim, snatching a glass from the cabinet and pouring the orange juice inside of it. "Worst of all, I'm doing it with Jade."

Butterflies invade my stomach. Okay, the "working with Jade" part isn't exactly horrible...for me, at least.

However, Trina nearly gags. "_Jade_?" she demands. "Jesus fucking Christ, I wouldn't be surprised if she is the one who rapes and murders you."

_I wouldn't be very surprised if my feelings for her aren't returned._

"Iknow right?" I lie, pretending to agree with my sister. However, she does not seem to hear me, since her attention is currently occupied by some reality TV show. She sprawls across the couch lazily, eyes glued to the TV.

I roll my eyes as I hear my phone vibrate on the counter, indicating a text message. I snatch my PearPhone and open the text as I sip on my orange juice.

**André: Is Jade there yet? ;)**

I groan and rapidly text back.

**Tori: No, shut up. She's supposed to arrive around three.**

I add an angry Emoji at the end to express my dislike and send it. He replies back within seconds.

**André: Whoa, using Emojis to express emotions now, are we? Just send Jade a heart Emoji to express how you feel. Hopefully she'll get the hint. **

There's a winking emoticon added at the end of his text. I curse under my breath.

**Tori: Cut the crap, André. This girl is 100% straight and she hates my guts as well. Provoking my feelings for her isn't helping.**

**André: You're not 100% sure that she's straight. You're not 100% sure that she hates your guts, either. People tend to hide under a mask to disguise who they truly are. That's why there are 7 billion people in this world and 14 billion faces. **

**André: Holy shit, I should write a song about that!**

I roll my eyes, but consider his response. He's correct; I haven't exactly been inside of Jade's mind. I'm not sure what emotions lurk within, and I'm not sure if she pretends to hate my guts because it amuses her or something. She's still a mystery.

**Tori: You go do that. Anyway, I must now wait for my project partner to arrive. **

**André: I've already got a few lyrics down on paper. And it's already three, do you think she'll arrive later? **

I'm about to type back a response when the doorbell suddenly rings. I freeze and my heartbeat instantly accelerates.

"Tori, get the damn door!" Trina exclaims. "I'm too busy watching Honey Boo Boo!"

I roll my eyes at my sister's laziness.

**Tori: Actually, the uneducated high school dropout whom I call my lover has arrived. **

I stuff my cell into my pocket and make my way to the door. Quickly glancing at Trina and taking a deep breath, I extend a hand out, grasping the doorknob.

"You scared she'll rape you?" Trina questions. "I'd be, too."

I roll my eyes and swing the door open. I glance up and my eyes lock onto vibrant green-blue orbs.

We're just staring at each other; Jade does not tear her gaze from me, and I do not tear my gaze away from her. I can feel the butterflies swirling in the pit of my stomach, my heart pounding like a drum, and my hands shake. Many emotions register into my mind: Happiness, love, confusion._ Why is she just staring at me? _

I try to speak, but I am frozen. I find myself studying the color of her eyes; they're mostly an eye-catching bright blue, mixed with a little bit of green. Her eyes vaguely remind me of the many colors of outer space, the wide spectrum of colors you can spot when you peer into the night sky...

Finally, Jade speaks up in her usual unenthusiastic tone: "Vega."

I attempt to swallow a lump in my throat, but it seems my throat has gone dry. "Jade."

"What the hell are you two doing?" Trina demands. "Hey, Jade—try not do rape my sis, alright? I'm the one who's supposed to lose her virginity first."

Jade simply glares at her. "It's bad enough I have to do this. Why would I have sex with her?" she scoffs.

I feel a sharp pain right where my heart is. I bite my lip.

"Anyway," Jade continues, capturing my gaze once again, "we should go up to your room, so we can get away from your gank of a sister."

I'm so enthralled by her eyes that I simply nod and walk upstairs. I can feel her presence trailing right behind me. It's fortunate that she's behind me, anyway, because my face is blushing red.

I open the door to my bedroom and usher her inside. She sits down onto my bed without a word.

I shut the door and press against it as I observe her studying my bedroom. "Well?" I prompt.

She ignores me, her eyes traveling around my room. I can imagine the disgust she must be feeling right now; the girly aura my room is omitting must be making her feel sick. Pink bed sheets, flatscreen TV, framed pictures of my friends on the walls. The door to the walk-in closet is open, and numerous pieces of clothing are in sight.

"Tori Vega, you are fucking rich," she mutters, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, the project?"

I nod vigorously, awkwardly striding over to my bed and sitting right next to her. My heart begins thumping alarmingly fast once again.

"I was thinking we should focus on the main parts first, and then work our way down to the minor details," I explain. "Like we should probably work on the script first; costumes could come later."

"Well, it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure it out," she retorts. "It's just human logic. Anyway, what do you suggest doing for the script?"

My heart leaps; she's actually asking for _my_ opinion. "Well, it has to be romantic, right?"

"No shit."

"We have to build up tension," I explain further, ignoring her comment. Then, a thought registers into my mind.

The goal is to create a believable romantic scene, using the information we were given. According to the information Sikowitz gave us, I'm about to leave for college. Jade is a dropout.

There's already a lot of tension. This could lead to arguing, screaming, extremely emotional moments, and finally, the point where everything is resolved.

Now, what usually happens when things get resolved between a couple?

_A kiss._

_I might have to kiss Jade West. _

I gulp nervously as I digest this thought. Although kissing her is an activity I might enjoy greatly, she probably is not as enthusiastic.

However, my mind trails into thoughts of kissing her. I wonder what it'd be like to feel her lips press against mine, her arms around my waist, and my hands tangled in her dark hair.

"Vega," Jade says, and instead of looking at her eyes, I look at her lips.

"I was just thinking—how about I write the main outline for the script, and later on, we can revise and add details?" she suggests.

I nod, still captivated by those soft-looking lips. I wonder how Beck felt when he kissed those. I bet it felt pretty damn good.

"Sounds like a damn good idea."


	6. Chapter Four

**Jade.**

As I'm scribbling down the words to the script, I can feel Tori's warm breath on my back. I'm certain that her eyes are about to burn a hole through my skull as she's watching me intently.

I involuntarily shudder as a shiver runs down my spine. Her breath on my back makes me..._horny._

Well, if Tori and I were to be a couple, we now know who'd be the sexually frustrated one.

I try to banish that thought from my mind. I shouldn't even be thinking about Tori like this; not when I'm getting over Beck, not when my walls are up...

However, her breath hits my back again, and I shudder once again.

"Will you fucking stop doing that?" I ask agitatedly, spinning around to glare at the half-Latina. She backs up, now looking terrified.

"What'd I do?" she questions timidly.

"Breathing on my fucking back!" I growl. "It's making me shudder, it's driving me insane, it's giving me weird thoughts—"

My breath hitches as my eyes widen._ Did I just admit that Tori Vega gives me weird thoughts when she breathes on my back?_

_That's actually very kinky if used properly. _

Tori's eyes widen as well. She raises her hands in surrender. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I don't mean to give you, ahem, _weird_ thoughts as I breathe onto your back." I notice a ghost of a smile on her lips.

She's enjoying this.

I roll my eyes. "Just...never speak of it," I tell her grudgingly, spinning around to resume writing. "And no breathing on my fucking back!"

XXX

As time passes by, I manage to complete the entire outline, although it is rough and unedited. As Tori's reading through it, her eyebrows furrow worriedly.

"Something wrong with my work?" I inquire bitterly.

"Nope, nothing at all," she replies quickly—too quickly. She extends her hand out to pass me back the rough draft.

As I reach to snatch it, my hand accidentally grazes hers. Electricity shoots through my veins, my heart thumping faster, icky butterflies invading my stomach...

Now I'm thinking about how it'd feel like to hold her hand. I can't help but wonder how amazing it'd feel to have her soft hand clasped against mine as we walked down the halls. Surely I'd be proud.

And I also wonder how it'd feel like to just be _holding hands_. Like, I'd just be sitting in the car, about to drive. She would sit down in the passenger's seat, and our hands would automatically unite. There wouldn't be much thought to it; it'd be an instinct.

_Don't tear your walls down. It only results in getting hurt. _

I regain my composure as I fix a glare onto her and harshly rip my paper from her grasp. "Bitch," I grumble under my breath. I see her expression falter, and I know she's been hurt. But I maintain my glare nevertheless, although my stomach is sinking.

I quickly glance at the clock. It is now six P.M., which is too early to go home; my dad would be eating right now, still sober enough to comprehend everything that would occur. That's not good; it's better when he's drunk.

"Would you like to go home?" Tori asks me awkwardly. She looks so incredibly adorable at this moment: A shy smile on her lips, her feet alternating every few seconds. She just looks so shy and cute.

It's weird that now, "shy and cute" is what I find attractive.

"I—I don't know—I mean, I kinda wanna stay—if that's okay, of course, but—" I stutter out, my words somehow becoming jumbled. I don't understand. Nobody has made me stumble on my words before, not even Beck. I was always so confident and cocky around him. But now, as I'm right in front of Tori Vega, I can't seem to form a coherent sentence.

_How have I gone from bitter responses to awkward stuttering within a minute?_

"Erm—if I really can, then yeah, I'd stay—if it's okay, of course—is it okay? I don't want to annoy you guys or something—"

Tori raises her hand, and I immediately fall silent. My blood is boiling with anger. I just went from I'm-going-to-rip-out-your-throat-and-make-you-eat-it Jade to I'm-a-stuttering-mess-because-you're-extremely-attractive Jade. Within a minute.

This is out of character, even for someone as moody as I am.

"Jade," Tori begins.

"Vega."

She rolls her eyes and continues: "You're welcome to stay here and eat dinner."

"That's lovely, Vega," I respond sarcastically, although I am genuinely grateful.

Tori rolls her eyes again. Then, the sound of a door slamming echoes throughout the house, followed by a female voice declaring, "I'm home and I brought Nazu's!"

Tori grins, glimpsing over at me. "My mom," she explains happily. "She got sushi."

I nod in acknowledgement, straining to think about the last time my mother brought me takeout. However, joyful memories that involved my family haven't occurred for over five years, and every happy memory has been diminished thanks to their divorce.

"Come on, let's go," Tori says, snatching my hand. Electricity courses through my veins and I tense up.

She realizes her mistake and quickly withdraws her hand into her pocket, and I do the same. I fix a glare onto her, but I'm missing the warmth of her hand already.

Her face is tomato red as she quietly says, "Let's go."

I nod and follow her our of her room and into the living. Her mom, whom I have met beforehand, looks surprised when she sees me, but smiles nonetheless.

"Hi, Jade," she greets, placing two plates onto the table. "What're you doing here?"

Her mom is so polite, and I know that's where Tori gets her manners from. "Oh, um, we're just working on a project," I explain nicely. From the corner of my eye, I see Tori smile.

"Oh, what's it about?" Mrs. Vega presses on.

I tense up, and Tori's smile instantly drops. "It's about—" I begin, but Tori interrupts me.

"We just to act a scene out, Mom, not a big deal," she says quickly. She looks nervous, _scared_, even. I'm not surprised.

If I was in her shoes at this moment, I'd be completely petrified.

Mrs. Vega seems to buy it. "Well, you girls eat," she says. "I'll just be in my room. I've got some papers for work I have to finish." She gives us one last smile before she saunters off up the stairs.

I bite my lip, sneaking a quick glance at Tori. She's rolling on her heels, eyes traveling around the room.

_Walls up, Jade,_ I remind myself as I seat myself at her table. I look up and Tori expectantly, and she hurriedly sits down across from me.

I smirk. "Still clueless, I see," I retort, snatching a roll of sushi from my plate.

"Shut up," she mumbles, biting into her sushi roll.

"Shut up," I mimic in a mockingly high voice that obviously does not belong to her.

"I don't talk like that!" she objects, eyes narrowing.

My smirk grows. "You need to work on your comebacks, Vega," I tell her.

She rolls her eyes and ignores my comment, continuing to eat.

The whole room is dead silent, except for the sounds of our chewing. I notice the awkward atmosphere lingering; it never exactly left in the first place.

"What's your favorite color?" Tori suddenly asks, throwing me off guard.

My eyes narrow. "Why the fuck do you wanna know?" I snap. I know I shouldn't be making such a fuss over a simple question, but this is how Beck and I got to know each other. He used to ask me a string of questions, and I would either reply honestly or sarcastically. I let my guard down and revealed a bit about myself to him throughout our relationship. And look where it got me.

"I just figured that since we're working together now, we should get to know each other," she explains quietly. "Besides, it's been over a year and pretty much know nothing about you."

"Well, I don't want you to know anything about me," I growl. This is partially true; I don't want to get close to anybody this year. I don't want to bond with somebody, then get my insides torn apart when we go our separate ways. It's the reality of life; you get close to somebody, and then they're ripped from your grasp. It happened when my mother moved away after the divorce. I refuse to put myself through that self-destructive pain again.

However, there's a part of me that _wants_ to get to know her. There's a part of me that's slightly intrigued by her and longs to know all of the slightest details. Like, what's _her_ favorite color? What's her middle name? Does she always do her hair like this?

Tori's scoff interrupts my thoughts. "I just wanted to ask," she mumbles, glancing down in defeat.

A pang of guilt hits me square in the chest. For some reason, I can't bear to see her upset, which is odd. _I'm_ the reason why she's always upset. So why does her sadness make me want to be sad?

"Black and red," I blurt out. It takes me a moment to register what I've said. "Black and red are my two favorite colors."

She looks up, and I see her eyes glimmer. Her expression brightens, and it warms my heart.

"Mine is purple," she tells me with a smile on her face.

_Purple. Aren't lilies purple? I wonder if she likes lilies..._

Without even thinking, I ask, "what's your favorite flower?"

She seems taken aback, and I'm taken aback as well._ Ever since when has the heartless Jade West melted into soft putty? _

"Sunflowers," she finally responds, and I groan. Sunflowers represent happiness, so it's a typical Tori answer.

She grins. "What's yours?"

It takes me a moment to come up with an answer; I never really pondered this question beforehand. I'm not exactly the girly type, and flowers altogether disgusted me.

"Roses," I reply. "_Black_ roses."

She rolls her eyes at my response. "Of course."

I smirk, butterflies invading my stomach. "It's not like you expected any other response."

XXX

The next three hours drag by too quickly for my taste. To my surprise, I enjoy myself. Unfortunately, nine o' clock strikes, and it's time for me to depart.

Since Mrs. Vega is too busy with work, Trina has to drive us home. She's not too ecstatic about it; she banished me to the backseat and has been shooting me glares through the rearview mirror.

Luckily, Tori sits next to me. Although we bonded (God, that word makes me feel sick) a bit back at her house, we're silent due to the presence of Trina. I can't help but sneak a glance at her.

She looks so content. She's simply leaning back in her seat, a small smile on her face as she's looking out the window. She's at peace right now, and it makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy.

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks as the fact I bonded with Tori Vega registers in my mind. I'm so confused; the girl I'm supposed to loathe now attracts me. The feelings existed beforehand, but they always lingered in the back of my head. However, now that my history is Beck is over, and that I'm face-to-face with Tori fucking perfect Vega, those emotions that were once not thought of much are now intensifying by the second.

_I can feel my walls slowly being chipped away. _

_No. No. I can't let my walls down. I'll just get hurt._

Trina pulls into the curb, huffing irritatedly. "Jade, we're here," she tells me flatly.

I roll my eyes and glance over at Tori. She's staring at me with this sort of sad look in her eyes. Her chocolate brown eyes are glistening golden in the steer lights. I can feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest.

"Jade," she says, biting her lip.

I can't suppress the smile on my face. I step out of the car.

"Vega," I reply. I close the car door and walk towards my house. I quickly glimpse back and my stomach flips when I see a smile on Tori's face.

* * *

**Remember that life is complicated. You'll experience loss, pain, and suffering. ****You'll also experience love and happiness. People are going to walk out of your life; I have experienced the pain and nostalgia that follows this.**

**If you're going through what I'm going through, please remember that the people who truly love you will never leave you. **

**On a much happier note...HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR! ^_^**


	7. Chapter Five

**Tori. **

I'm surprised I even wake up in the morning. All I remember is that I was up all night, Jade unable to leave my mind. I must've drifted off to the color of Jade's eyes imprinted of my eyes...

God, that sounds horribly cheesy.

"How's your project with Jade going, honey?" my mother asks me when I stagger downstairs.

"Pretty good," I reply happily. The simple thought of Jade is making my stomach flutter with butterflies.

_She talked to me yesterday as if I was a normal human being..._

I sigh dreamily. It isn't even seven in the morning yet, and my foot is already tapping rapidly from excitement. I recall the events that occurred when Jade came over, and mind is spinning.

_She smiled. It was a genuine smile too. Even though she had her moments, she wasn't as bitter as usual. _

_Does this mean I have a chance? _

"Tori." My sister's voice snaps me back to reality.

I glimpse over at her. She rolls her eyes at me and toys with her keys.

"Let's go, Tori," she snaps, annoyed.

I make a face and snatch my bag from the table, following my irritating sister out the door.

XXX

I don't spot Jade out in the hallway, so I'm hopeful as I enter Sikowitz's room. Just as I sit down, André smirks over at me and asks, "How'd the project go?"

I playfully roll my eyes at him, but I reply, "Good." A goofy grin is on my face now.

The bell rings, and I hear somebody shuffling into their seat behind me. My heart skips a beat and I whirl around. Jade is sitting there, looking bored. She doesn't make eye contact with me though, which makes my heart sink a little.

"Hi, Jade!" I chirp cheerfully, flashing her a smile.

She glances up, and I'm met by those captivating eyes again. However, those eyes aren't as kind as they were yesterday. This time, they're narrowed in a harsh glare.

"What the fuck do you want, Vega?" she snaps angrily.

I can literally feel a sharp jab in my heart. My throat goes dry and my stomach sinks.

I bite my lip to hold back tears. "Nothing," I manage out, and I shuffle back to face the front.

XXX

"Hey, are you okay?" André questions worriedly once I plop myself down into a seat during lunch.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. I've been fighting tears all day so far.

_I thought things were going great._

André's eyebrows furrow together, as if he's deep in thought. "You said things were going well," he notes.

"Yeah, _were_," I murmur, ripping a piece off my pizza. "I can't believe I even thought she was—"

Somebody plants themselves right next to me, and I immediately tense up. Her arm accidentally brushes against mine, and my heart skips a beat.

Jade glances between me and André. We both have fallen silent and are avoiding her gaze.

"What?" she demands irritatedly.

I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off: "Shut your mouth, Vega, you'll catch flies."

I clamp my mouth shut. André's expression hardens.

"Where the fuck are Cat and Robbie?" she asks.

"They're practicing," André replies, gesturing towards the parking lot. Sure enough, Cat and Robbie seem to be going over their lines; she's jumping around excitedly and his face is crimson red.

Jade rolls her eyes at them. "He doesn't have to try to be a fairy," she mutters. "Anyway, how about Beck?"

Although she says it with the same coldness, the fact his name comes out of her mouth makes my blood boil.

_What if she's not over him?_

I clench my fists tightly. My blood is boiling and I feel the fury take over my brain. What comes out of my mouth next surprises me.

"He's sick," I tell her through gritted teeth. "Probably sick of seeing your face."

André's eyes widen in shock. He glances between the two of us frantically.

Jade, however, doesn't seem to react. Her glare is still fixated on me, and I manage to narrow my eyes and glare back.

Even though I'm glaring at her, I can't help but get lost in her eyes.

Finally, after a few excruciating moments, she tears her gaze away from me, muttering, "See you at three, Vega."

I'm taken aback, but my heart swells up with emotions and I say, "See you at three, Jade."

XXX

**André: Aren't you scared you're gonna get hurt?**

I sigh. Yes, I'm scared. Terrified, actually, thanks to the incident earlier at school. But life is about getting over fears and taking chances. Even if there's no chance.

**Tori: Yeah. But I really like her. **

**André: I'm aware. You've told me.**

I roll my eyes, although it is true. Ever since last year, I've been talking about her to him constantly. He's annoyed by it, but he's listened to me regardless.

**Tori: Shut up. :P**

**André: Hey, it's true. Is Jade there yet?**

**Tori: No, but she'll be here soon. **

**André: All right. Keep your hopes up, Cheekbones. **

The doorbell rings, and a smile makes its way into my face. I rapidly type back a response:

**Tori: I will. **

Then I rush over to the door, my insides about to explode with excitement, and yank open the door.

"Vega," Jade greets flatly, meeting my gaze. Her jaw is clenched tightly, her eyes set in her usual glare, and an unamused expression is on her face.

Despite this, I think she looks amazing.

"Jade," I reply, moving aside to let her in. She rolls her eyes and steps inside.

"So, are we just going to work here or in your room again?" she asks, plopping down on the couch and placing her feet up on the table.

Even though there's nobody here in the living room, I want some privacy. The thought I _might_ have to kiss Jade reenters my mind, and I don't want to have to break it to here. Not with the knives in the kitchen, anyway.

"My bedroom," I answer, motioning for her to follow me. She groans and trails behind me as I lead her to my bedroom.

I shut the bedroom door and butterflies immediately invade my stomach. Jade is meandering around my room absentmindedly. I can't help but just admire her as she does.

"Are we gonna start or are you just gonna stare at me?" she questions, studying the pictures in my wall. There's a smirk on her face that makes me flush red.

"Erm, yeah." I grab my bag from the ground, rummaging through it in search of the unedited rough draft. I pull it out, my heart now thumping rapidly.

_Should I tell her that we might have to kiss?_

I gulp, nervous as ever. "So, um, how about we revise it, and then I'll make copies so we can practice?" I suggest.

"I don't care, as long as I get a good grade on it," she says, arms folding across her chest.

_Well, then. _My eyes skim over Jade's messy handwriting. _Ugh, there's no kiss,_ I think to myself. _Can't we just end a very romantic scene with a hug or something? _

I glance over at Jade. She's standing there with an expectant expression, eyebrows raised.

I sigh heavily, knowing I have to tell her this.

_But Tori, this is what you want. What if this isn't want Jade wants?_

I open my mouth to speak, but find that my throat has gone dry.

_Are you seriously going to tell her this?_

"Well?" Jade prompts, sounding irritated now. "You'll catch flies, Vega."

I regain my composure and direct my gaze towards the ground. I can't look at those eyes as I do this. They remind me too much of the stars...

"I have to tell you something."

* * *

**Ugh, it's January 1st and it feels weird. :/**

**I don't know, I never really liked celebrating a new year. I've always been afraid to grow up, so well...**

**But 2013 kinda sucked, so happy 2014! Hopefully it'll be slightly less disturbing! **

**Anyway, how was your New Year? Tell me in the comments! **

**Also, if you have any opinions or suggestions, feel free to leave a comment or message me! ^_^**


	8. Chapter Six

**Jade. **

I maintain my glare on her, although my stomach is churning. _What the hell does she want to tell me?_

"Well?" I prompt, trying to keep my voice steady. "Spit it out."

She's twiddling her thumbs at a rapid pace, her gaze now directed towards the ground. She's biting her bottom lip so hard, blood is drawn. The whole room is silent except for the sound of her foot tapping.

I find myself tapping my foot as well. My stomach is making me feel sick. I'm just staring at her, the tension building up. It becomes too much for me, and I'm pushed over the edge.

"Tori!" I cry out desperately, becoming frustrated. "Fucking tell me!"

"We might have to kiss!" she screams out, instantly freezing once she says it. Her jaw drops and her eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights.

My eyes widen as well, and my jaw clenches tightly. I'm not sure how to react: A part of me wants to scream, but another part of me wants to rush up to her and press my lips against hers.

My heart is beating quickly, now feeling as of it's going to explode. I open my mouth to say something, but my throat is home dry and my jaw refuses to unclamp. Millions of thoughts are racing through my head; the urge to kiss her has intensified, but...

_I can't let my walls down. _

"I—I have to go," I tell her harshly, my voice shaking slightly. I get up and hastily make my way towards the door, my head now throbbing from a developing headache. I press my hand against my temple, trying to soothe my nerves.

Suddenly, a hand grasps my wrist, and I feel the electricity course through my arm and the rest of my body. I slowly turn my head to face Tori.

"Jade," she pleads, her voice weak. Her eyes are glistening due to moisture. Her grip on my wrist tightens. "Please stay."

For a second, I want to stay. I want to abandon the project and just lay around in her room, kissing and talking and kissing...

I dismiss the thought, the pain from all those years replacing it. I shake her hand off. "Do the damn project yourself," I say coldly. "I'm going home."

I stride down the hallway, my headache intensifying. I run my hands through my hair, desperately trying to rid myself of the thoughts. I feel physically ill now, and I almost have the urge to throw up.

So many emotions are registering into my head, and it's making it pulse in pain. I hear footsteps rushing behind me, and I know they belong to Tori.

"Leave me alone, Vega," I growl, marching towards the front door.

"Just forget about what I said and let's just work on the project!" she implores, trailing right behind me.

I jerk the front door open and whirl around to face her. I find myself nose-to-nose with her, our lips mere centimeters away. Her chocolate eyes are locked onto mind, driving me insane. I can feel her warm breathe on my lips, and it sends chills down my spine. My heart is pounding so fast, I'm so certain it's going to explode. The stupid song from the Little Mermaid starts playing in my head.

_Just kiss her. You know you want to. _

I dismiss the thought from my head, realizing how ridiculous it is. Throughout the years of my life, I've gotten hurt by the people I trusted most, and that's why I've constructed walls around my heart. Besides, this is _Tori Vega._ I've made her life a living hell for nearly two years. I can't just listen to my emotions and kiss her. She'll either be confused or disgusted. In addition, if by some slim chance she feels the same way, I'd slowly be letting my walls down, leaving me vulnerable. I just can't allow it.

"I have to go, Tori," I say firmly, storming out of her house and slamming the door behind me. Tears are threatening to fall. I inhale and exhale, fighting them.

"Well, I guess I should walk home now," I mutter, beginning my journey home.

XXX

**Cat: OMG she what?! :O**

Right now I'm laying in my bed, tucked under my black covers and surrounded my partially wet tissues. I didn't cry my eyes out, but whenever I felt my eyes water, I immediately snatched a tissue and dried myself off. Therefore, a large ring of barely used tissues is now surrounding me.

I roll my eyes and text back.

**Jade: Yes, you illiterate dipshit. I've told you this about five times already. You can reread it if you scroll up. **

**Cat: Well?! How'd you react?! :O**

**Jade: Would you quit that stupid fucking emoticon? It's annoying the shit out of me. **

**Cat: I'm sowwie! D': **

**Jade: Cat, you stupid fucking idiot. Just come on over here and I'll tell you. **

Even though it's five in the afternoon, I'd much rather prefer to tell her in person. Even though she's clueless and extremely annoying at times, she's still my best friend. Plus, I'm in need of her consolation.

**Cat: K! Be there in a few bestie! ^_^ (/.\)**

**Jade: Never use "k" or "bestie" again. EVER. **

**Cat: Kk! :P**

In ten minutes flat, she's at my doorstep, a pineapple in hand.

I cock an eyebrow at her, questioning her possession of the pineapple.

"I'm sorry I took so long," she apologizes. She lifts up her pineapple. "But I got a pineapple to make up for it!"

"First of all, you're not late. Secondly, why the hell do you have a pineapple?" I ask.

She giggles, twisting the top half of the fruit. I question her sanity once again as she apparently unscrews the fake fruit to reveal a wad of cash. "It's not an actual pineapple," she whispers, almost erupting into laughter. "This is the babysitting money Sam and I earned!"

I roll my eyes and chuckle. Cat had recently moved into an apartment with a girl named Sam Puckett, who was an Internet sensation thanks to this web show, iCarly. Since Cat still has to attend Hollywood Arts while earning money to pay bills, she divides her time between babysitting and attending school.

I've met Sam before, and it's not difficult to see that they're practically a married couple at this point; they bicker like one constantly, and, in all honestly, Sam is whipped as fuck. I'm anticipating a relationship in the future.

Sucks for Robbie, though.

"Goddammit, Cat, just screw the damn pineapple back on and go to my room," I order, grabbing her wrist and dragging her upstairs. She doesn't resist; instead, she just giggles some more and says, "Jade, if you were a fruit, you'd be a _fineapple_."

I roll my eyes again and pull her into my room, shutting the door immediately. "Okay, do you wanna hear the details or?"

However, she's too busy admiring all of the scissors on my shelf. Her eyes widen at the gleaming pieces of metal.

I groan. "Cat, my favorite scissors will be up your ass if you don't pay attention to me," I warn, even though it's an empty threat. I would never hurt Cat, regardless of how annoying and naïve she is.

"C'mon, Jade, we all know that Tori is your favorite pair of scissors," she jokes, winking as she skips over. I find myself flushing bright red.

I clear my throat awkwardly. "Anyway, details," I begin, recalling the events that occurred earlier. Numerous thoughts start racing through my head again, and a slight headache commences, although it's not as severe as before. "So, she told me we needed to kiss. And I, um..." I trail off, finding myself unable to form the next few words.

"You what?" the auburn-haired girl prompts, gesturing for me to continue.

"I fucking left," I murmur, the guilt stabbing at my heart.

Cat shakes her head. "_Tsk tsk tsk. _Somebody should've kissed her," she says.

"Shut up, you have to kiss Robbie! I wonder how Sam's gonna feel about that?" I tease, a smirk making its way onto my face.

"The _fairy prince_, mind you!" she corrects. "And Sam will handle it just fine." A confident smile forms on her lips.

"God, just get fucking married already," I grumble. "Anyway, what do I do?"

"As Sam's mother once said to her father, 'You dun goofed up.'" My friend shrugs. "Tori's probably really hurt right now. You have to get your priorities straight and decide whether you want her or not. If you don't, you'll just end up hurting her more."

"My _only_ priority is to keep my walls up," I hiss. "I'd much prefer to not get hurt, thank you very much."

"Jade, you need to let it go," she advises. "I know you're still hurting, but you need to try to overcome it. Just use your previous pain as a lesson to learn from, not something to base the rest of your life on."

My eyes widen in shock. "That's one of the most intelligent things you've ever said," I mumble in awe. She never ceases to amaze me at the most unexpected times.

Her shoulders raise and lower. "Don't get used to it," she tells me.

I bite my lip, deep in thought. I won't deny my feelings for Tori, but I've been denying her entry into my heart. She seemed extremely heartbroken when I left, and the thought that I made her sad is prodding at my heart.

But the walls have been standing for quite some time, and I can't just _break them down_. Letting myself get close to somebody would be a major adjustment, and most likely a time-consuming one. It'd be frustrating and painstaking for the other person; I'd probably say something stupid to cause them to flee without hesitation.

But, according to the ditzy and naïve Caterina Valentine, I need to _let it go_.

"It's going to take time," I inform her. "I'm not used to this shit I'll probably be a total bitch and first. But, I'll at least try."

This brings a wide smile to the girl's face, and she shrieks with excitement and throws her arms around me. "Yay, Jade!" she exclaims jubilantly.

I groan. "Cat, get the fuck off me. I'm not the hugging type."

She lets go of me, rolling her eyes. "But apparently, you'll 'give Tori a squeeze,'" she says, mimicking Tori's voice. I chuckle.

The realization of my walls being torn down suddenly hits me. It's going to be an extremely difficult and emotional task. I feel myself getting sick.

But then I remember the look on Tori's face. I recall the eyes that were glazed over with tears, the face that was bright red, and the perfectly red lips that was centimeters away from mine. I try to imagine the same situation, only this time, our lips would connect.

_This might be worth it. _

* * *

**I guess the "Sam & Cat" reference is a bit out of context, but Puckentine is one of of my OTPs, and it was absolutely necessary to add it in. **

**Seriously though, on the show, Sam is whipped as fuck. I really hope Puckentine becomes the first LGBT couple on Nickelodeon. The channel has had diversity when it comes to couples (i.e. single parent homes, remarried people with combined families, living with grandparents) and I wouldn't be surprised if a gay couple were to be added to the long list. **

**On a separate note, how has the story been going so far? I'm sorry if I'm pushing this, I just really want to hear your opinions. (/.\)**

**By the way, SHOUTOUT TO SCOTTYBGOOD FOR SUMMARIZING EVERY CHAPTER HOLLA BACK GURL**


	9. Chapter Seven

**Tori.**

"And she just walked off?" André questions in a low voice.

I nod, unable to form words. I take a quick glance at my tear-streaked face through the mirror in my room. My eyes are red and puffy, still glazed over with tears. My hair is a tangled mess; actually, _I'm_ a mess.

I know Jade has been my crush for pretty much the majority of high school, but I shouldn't be getting so worked up over this. It's not like unexpected her to feel the same way.

Besides, I'm an actress. This is just a stage kiss. It shouldn't mean shit.

_It shouldn't mean anything...right?_

"Tori." André grasps my shoulders and shakes them vigorously, a stern expression on his face.

"Yeah?" I croak out weakly, desperate for any kind of consolation at this point. I literally sobbed all of my tears out the first ten minutes he was here, and now my body is just pulsating in pain. It's interesting how physical and emotional pain can be connected.

"Tori Anne Vega, I did not go though hell with my grandmother just to drive over here and listen to your wailing," he states firmly. To other people, it would've been insulting, but I'm aware he has good intentions. I nod, attempting to regain my composure.

"You need to release your feelings," he advises me, poking at finger at where my heart sits, which is under my left breast. He cringes a little and withdraws his hand, continuing awkwardly: "Bottling up your feelings is obviously driving you insane, just like it does for me. The amount of time you've been suppressing them is playing a major role too—I mean, _nearly two years,_ Tori! I swear to God, Sam is going to propose to Cat before you even ask Jade out on a date!" He pauses, running a hand through his short dreads. "Tori, you're one of my closest friends, and it _kills me _to see you hurt like this. I'm not sure if Jade is the cause of your pain, or if your fears are just causing you to inflict pain upon yourself, but I can't stand it. You're like my little, half-Latina sister. That means I'll protect you without hesitation. But this is a personal thing to you, and you've got to protect yourself."

In the midst of my pain, a smile breaks onto my face. His words warm my heart; it makes me feel better knowing he thinks of me as a younger sister. "Thanks, André," I say gratefully.

He claps my shoulder jokingly, a smile forming onto his lips as well. "Anytime, Cheekbones."

"So, what do you think I should do, then?" I inquire, my cheerful expression immediately contorting into a severe one. "It's obvious that you know more than me in the field of love."

"Never call it that again," he warns facetiously, rolling his eyes. "And, well...I'm not sure." He shrugs and flinches a bit when he sees my aghast expression. "I'm sorry, Tori, but if _Jade_ were to be _Jake_, then I'd easily give you advice. But Jade is of the same gender as you, and—I mean no offense—same-sex crushes are a lot more complicated."

"No shit," I agree through gritted teeth. There's numerous cons that follow admitting feelings for someone of the same gender, including rejection, isolation, and harassment. It's something that lingers in the back of my mind, reappearing at the worst times.

_Like now. _

"I guess all I can say is that you should be _absolutely, one hundred percent_ sure she's gay and feels the same way about you," he advises. "This is honesty the only advice I have for you." He chuckles.

I roll my eyes and punch his arm playfully. "Of course it is." Then I sigh. "Now I have to admit my feelings to the most confusing girl in the universe."

The mere thought makes my stomach boil with nerves. This is a nightmare and a dream come to life: Me, confessing my inner emotions to my brightest star, who also happens to be a dangerous black hole.

The fact that André is there for me settles into my mind, and soothes my nerves knowing I have somebody by my side.

However, I'm also reminded by the fact I've pretty much been driven to the point of insanity thanks to the gothic girl. I've been trying to win over a girl who seemingly did not give a shit about me until this point. Now, thanks to this project, she's expressed some sort of empathy in _months_, and it's befuddling me.

_Jesus Christ, everything about her befuddles me._

* * *

**I've fallen ill, and I may be updating a little less throughout a short period of time. I'm sorry. :(**

**Anyway, how did you like this chapter? It wasn't my best, in my opinion, but tell me what you think! **


	10. Chapter Eight

**Jade.**

Despite my promise to open up, I stayed at home the following day, not being able to pull myself together. Therefore, I received numerous texts from Cat, including a random one that was a story about her brother and a toaster.

So, this morning, I'm not awakened by my alarm clock, but instead by a hyperactive Cat Valentine jumping on my bed. I open one eye and groan once I see her.

"Cat, why are you here?" I ask, extremely irritated at my sudden awakening. I rub my eyes and sit up, glancing at the digital clock on my bedside table. Five-forty A.M. My alarm clock isn't due to ring for five minutes.

Cat hops off my bed, dancing around my room in twirls and leaps. I notice the cup of coffee in her grasp, and I sigh.

"Who the fuck gave you coffee?" I demand. Coffee makes Cat dangerously hyper, so it's best to keep her away from it.

"Sam!" she chirps gleefully, still dancing around. "She told me it was bad for me and a danger to society, but I pouted and pouted and pouted and then she finally let me have some, yay!"

I roll my eyes. "Okay, now, back to the first question: Why are you here?"

"I knew you wouldn't go to school because you were scared, so I came over here to make you!" she answers, giggling madly. "Aren't I smart?"

"No," I reply flatly. "Cat, you can't use physical force on me. It's not gonna work."

She halts her dancing, stomping her foot on the floor. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demands.

"It means you can't make me get out of bed and to school," I tell her with a roll of my eyes. "You're not strong enough."

She huffs angrily, folding her arms across her chest. Then she makes a strangled noise and rips my blanket off my bed, catching my off guard. My eyes widen when she hastily tosses her cup of coffee aside—it hits the wall and splashes all over the floor—and seizes my foot, forcefully dragging me out of my bed. My head thumps against the sharp corner of my bedside table as I'm being pulled, and I let out a string of curses. Then my head painfully slams onto the hardwood floor of my room, making my blood boil.

"You fucking redheaded cracker cunt, you illiterate imbecile—" I pause when I feel a warm liquid trickling down my head. I hesitantly press my hand where the table impacted me, instantly recognizing the warm liquid as blood.

"Caterina Valentine, I will _not hesitate_ to shove pair of scissors up your ass and _fucking murder you_!" I roar furiously, flailing my foot free of her grasp and kicking her stomach. She yelps and doubles over, and I take the opportunity to get onto my feet and dash towards my shelf, stepping over the puddle of coffee and snatching my sharpest pair of scissors.

"Jade!" she suddenly cries out. "Be careful, you'll—"

"What, Cat? I'll _what_?" I demand, whirling around to face her. Before I can comprehend what's going on, my foot slips on the scalding hot beverage, making me scream and topple straight to the ground. I lose my grip on the scissors and they shoot through the air, just barely missing Cat's ear and lodging itself into the wall.

"You'll slip," Cat finishes quietly.

My boobs were the first things to hit the floor, and now they're throbbing in pain. I groan and roll onto my back, still fuming. I open my mouth to scream at her, but my alarm clock goes off, making me flinch. Cat makes a face and holds her arms in front of her head, bracing herself.

I sigh heavily, my anger subsiding. Now I'm just exhausted.

"Cat, turn off my alarm," I order, my voice dangerously calm. She seems taken aback, but quickly scrambles to her feet and shuts my alarm.

"Now clean up the mess on my floor while I shower."

XXX

Since Sam dropped Cat off here, she has to carpool with me to school. The whole ride there consists of me complaining and her rambling on about toasters and why it's dangerous to put phones into them. Finally, after an excruciating ten minutes, I pull into a parking spot.

"Okay, get out."

"Kay kay!" she says. She hops out of my sleek black car and shoulders her bag, spinning around in circles. She earns stares from students as they stroll by.

"Cat, don't do that," I tell her, exiting my car. "It's annoying and people are staring."

"I don't care!" she proclaims gleefully, ignoring my order. "I'm a free soul!"

"Cat, cut it out or else I'm not driving you back."

She stops immediately and gasps. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're extremely unintelligent," I shoot back, facing the school. I make sure Cat isn't looking before I visibly gulp. Now I have to walk into the building and face Tori.

_Or do I? _

"Erm, Cat," I say, clutching my stomach and backing up. "I'm not feeling so well..."

"Don't be a Silly Sally!" Cat exclaims, snatching my wrist and dragging me towards the building. I try to wriggle free from her grasp, but her grip on me is too strong. I groan once we enter the school and she pulls me towards my locker.

"Now, you are going to be a Positive Patty and power through!" she orders, poking my nose. I slap her hand away and glare at her.

She watches me intently as I pretend to spin my combination. After about ten seconds, I let out a scream and attempt to dash past her. Cat, however, lets out a strangled cry and tackles me. I slam against the lockers and sink to the ground, Cat still on top of me.

"Haven't you caused me enough pain already?" I screech, shoving her off me. We have attracted a large amount of stares, and I narrow my eyes and bark, "What the hell are you looking at?"

Their gazes are immediately torn from us, and I get onto my feet and brush myself off.

"Are you gonna help me up?" Cat asks.

"Nope," I reply, smirking and sauntering off.

However, the smirk instantly wipes off my face when I enter Sikowitz's classroom. I recognize the wave of brown hair and an anxious feeling settles in my stomach.

I don't want to be bombarded with questions or have to see Tori's face, so I cautiously tiptoe to my seat, sitting down as quietly as possible. She doesn't seem to notice my presence, and I internally sigh in relief.

"Jade!" Cat bursts into the classroom, drawing the attention of Tori and the class. She giggles and skips over to me, leaning in close to my ear.

I expect her to whisper, but instead she hollers, "When are you going to talk to Tori?"

My face turns bright red and so does Tori's. I shoot a glare at Cat and her eyes widen.

"Was I not supposed to—"

"Hey, Cat, chair," I say, pushing her towards her seat.

"Ooh, fun!" she exclaims, sitting down.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms, directing my gaze to the floor. I can feel Tori's eyes on me, but I don't dare look up.

_"Jade, you need to let it go."_

Before I can speak, Sikowitz extravagantly enters the room and begins rambling about coconuts and their psychological effects on humans. I groan and sink into my seat, immediately blocking out his voice.

XXX

Once lunch rolls in, I literally have to gather all of my strength just to stroll over to the table. As I near the table, the chatter immediately dies down and I notice André kick Tori from underneath the table; she cranes her neck only to flush red and turn back around again.

"Hey, sexy," Rex quips. Robbie groans and flicks his puppet companion, who cusses in response.

"So were you sick yesterday?" the curly-haired boy inquires.

"Yeah," I lie.

"Are you feeling okay?"

It takes me a moment to register the voice, but I then recognize it as Beck's. I glance up; everyone is staring at him, but his gaze is fixated on me.

The memory of our past relationship enters my mind, and I feel myself losing it.

_Should I put myself at risk again or just move on?_

Trying not to show my discomfort, I coldly respond, "Why would I be here if I weren't?"

The Canadian shrugs. "Maybe I wasn't talking about you being physically okay," he murmurs, just loud enough for it to be audible.

I shoot him a nasty look when I realize what he's talking about: He wants to know if I've been healing well since the breakup, which, in fact, I haven't. It's fucked me up beyond repair.

"And maybe you won't be physically okay once I'm through with you," I spit, getting to my feet. André holds his arms out in front of Beck as if to defend him, but Beck doesn't flinch. I shoot him a glare and stomp off inside the school, making a beeline for the janitor's closet.

As I'm pacing around the closet, an urgent knock on the door makes me jump. I groan and grumble a bunch of curses under my breath because I'm certain it's Tori; she's found me in this room every time I've been upset. Plus, I've dragged her in here numerous times.

She knocks on the door again. "Jade, I know you're in there."

I groan again and jerk open the door, seizing her by the wrist and pulling her in. I immediately shut the door behind her, narrowing my eyes. The fact that I'm currently in a small room with Tori Vega makes my heart beat faster, but I don't show it. "What?"

"Jade—"

"Vega."

She rolls her eyes as a smirk makes its way on my face. "Look, Beck says he's sorry!"

"He should've said that three months ago," I retort.

Her eyebrows furrow in genuine empathy. "I'm sorry," she says softly, grabbing my shoulder gently.

The direct contact makes my heart skip a beat, but I brush her hand off. "I don't need your pity, Vega."

Her eyes widen. "Jade, I—I didn't mean it like that—erm—the project—"

"Jade, I—I didn't mean it like that—erm—the project!" I mock in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"I don't talk like that!" she objects.

I roll my eyes and notice a rolled-up packet in her hand. "What the hell are you holding?"

"The script," she mutters, and I raise an eyebrow. "I revised it and all."

The feeling of guilt settles into me, but I don't make it obvious and snatch the packet, skimming through it quickly. There aren't any corrections, but instead suggestions. I flip to the last page, expecting a suggestion about a kiss.

_There's nothing._

My stomach sinks and I glimpse up at Tori. She's doing the same thing she did before she told me about the kiss: Biting her lip, avoiding my gaze, twiddling her thumbs, and tapping her foot. I have a feeling it's a subconscious habit.

"Tori?" I say, my voice surprisingly gentle. My sudden softness catches me off guard, and it seems to do the same to Tori.

"Yes, Jade?"

I open my mouth, but I'm unable to verbalize words. Tori is staring directly at me, and I'm using this opportunity to briefly admire her. Her deep, chocolate brown eyes are making it difficult to not get lost into, and her plump, lipstick-coated lips are irresistible.

_Don't describe her lips, Jade, that's disgusting._

My heart is pounding in my chest, like it always does at moments like this. I gulp nervously, hoping it's not noticeable, and murmur, "See you at three."

Then I yank open the door and sprint out of the janitor's closet, the script still in hand.

* * *

**Longest chapter I've written so far. Hope you enjoy! **

**The previous stories I've written have always had humor in them, so I attempted to incorporate some into this chapter. I'm not exactly a very serious person, so too much seriousness literally sickens me. Besides, I think the severity of Jade and Tori's problems are serious enough.**

**Was the humor enjoyable? Should there be some more laced into the story?**


	11. Chapter Nine

**Tori. **

_I got run out on again. Of course. _

I sigh heavily, the memory returning to me. Now, I'm at home, sprawled across my bed. There's ten minutes until three, but it feels as if time is going irritatingly fast. Usually I'm agitated if it flies by quickly, but now I'm extremely anxious, and I'm terrified to see Jade.

My PearPhone buzzes in my pocket, indicating a text. I pull it out, expecting it to be from André, but it's from Cat instead.

**Cat: Hi! ^_^ (/.\) ^~^**

I chuckle at her use of emoticons. Jesus Christ, I honestly believe she'll never stop being the bubbly girl she is.

**Tori: Hey! Why so happy? :)**

**Cat: Because being happy is wonderful! Hehe! (/.\)**

**Cat: Also, Sam gave me coffee! AGAIN! **

I groan, but can't help but crack a smile. Cat's new roommate, Sam Puckett, is willing to do anything and everything for her. When she was on iCarly, a famous web show she used to be on before her co-star Carly moved, she was known as rude and nearly merciless, so this softness wasn't something I expected from her. When I first met her, I could immediately tell she had a crush on Cat.

**Tori: You're not allowed to have coffee, Cat. :)**

**Cat: Well, TOO BAD! I have it right now! .**

**Tori: Argh, fine. I can't stop you. Just try not to murder anyone with your happiness and hyperactivity. **

**Tori: Haha, is coffee the only reason why you're happy?**

To my surprise, she sends me a vague response.

**Cat: Nope! I'm happy for somebody else! ^~^**

I raise an eyebrow.

**Tori: And who would that somebody be? **

**Cat: Somebody we know very well! ^_^**

I sit up, struck by curiosity. Cat hinted that this person is somebody whom we know very well, which might mean that this person is in our little group.

_What if this person is Jade?_

Eyes widening, I hurriedly type back a response.

**Tori: Maybe you should tell me who this person is? **

Now, it now feels as of time is going too slow. I'm now drumming my fingers on my thigh impatiently as I'm watching for her response.

**Cat: I don't know... Why are you curious?**

I curse under my breath and rack my brain for a Cat-worthy excuse. I don't understand why I'm so desperate for an answer. Maybe it's because Jade could be the answer.

_Doesn't Jade only feel happy when she inflicts pain though?_

**Tori: Because somebody we know is happy, and I like being happy with other people! :)**

**Cat: Yay! We have something in common! \(^.^)/ **

**Cat: I don't think she'd mind now! ^_^**

_She. _

As I'm staring my phone intently, desperately waiting for a response, the door to my bedroom is suddenly forced open. I jump in surprise and I lose my grip on my phone; fortunately, it lands on the rug under my bed, undamaged.

I sigh in relief and swoop down to retrieve it. "Trina, if you to that again, I swear to God," I grumble.

"Maybe you should look up before you assume, Vega."

My breath hitches in my throat. I almost drop my phone again due to my hand shaking.

I glimpse up and I'm met by those brilliant eyes. To my dismay, they're not narrowed in a glare like they usually are.

And her eyes look brighter this time; it's as if they're swimming with some sort of energy. They're beautiful.

I gulp. "Hi, Jade," I greet.

"Vega."

I roll my eyes as a smirk plays onto her lips. "Why didn't you ring the doorbell?" I question.

Her eyes narrow into the glare I'm fond with. "I _did_," she replies, he voice rising dangerously. "But, unfortunately, your sister Trina opened the door."

_Oh shit. _

"You wanna know what Trina did?" Jade asks, approaching me.

I feel my heart pounding in my chest. "No," I squeak.

"Well, not only was her face slathered in mustard when I got here—"

"Yeah, that's supposed to be some sort of beauty treatment..."

"Well, in that case, _tell her it's not working_!" she booms. I jump and nod vigorously.

"Anyway, your gank of a sister started ranting at me about how I was 'shaving those squirrel tails of eyebrows' and that 'Beck was a big loss, he's still single, right?'" A pang of jealously and annoyance hits me and Jade makes a sour face.

"You don't have squirrel eyebrows," I compliment, attempting to make her feel better. "In fact, I don't really think you _have_ eyebrows..."

"Vega!" she cries out furiously, lunging forward to attack me. I scream and scramble back, just barely missing her attack. However, her head slams against the headboard, causing her to yell out a string of curses.

"For fucks sake, this happened this morning with Cat!" she fumes, clutching her head. She then makes a face. "Great. I'm bleeding again and my period doesn't even start for another four weeks." She glances down at me, pure anger etched across all of her features. I expect her to make another attempt at murdering me, but instead she just sighs heavily.

She removes her hand and I notice a small gash on her left temple. It's bleeding slightly, but nothing too severe.

"I can fix it," I barely manage out, still petrified.

"What, my life?"

"No, your face."

Her face contorts into one of anger and I quickly correct myself: "Not your face, your face is perfectly fine! I just meant the thing on your face!" I awkwardly point to the small gash, a sheepish smile on my lips.

"Oh?" She folds her arms across her chest, an eyebrow raised. The small river of blood is slowly oozing down from her face, but she doesn't seem to mind.

I nod, my concern growing. That small cut could become something worse. I don't want her ending up in the hospital, despite all those times I've been in a hospital bed thanks to her.

"Yeah," I answer. "You should probably wipe the blood off the side of your head and lay down."

"Ooh, just like at the therapist," she comments, obliging. My heart picks up speed at the sight of her casually laying on my bed, legs crossed at the ankle.

_No dirty thoughts, Tori, her head's bleeding,_ I remind myself, rushing out of my room and into the bathroom. I snatch a clean cloth from the cabinet and dash back to my room.

I'm looming over her now. The closeness is making my heart feel like exploding.

"Okay, so this has to be on your cut for fifteen minutes," I tell her, firmly placing the cloth on the gash. Crimson blood claims the white; Jade doesn't seem to react.

"Great, now I have to lay here and watch you treat my head gash," she grumbles. "Why fifteen minutes?"

"Because that's usually how long it takes for head wounds to clot," I answer, my heart sinking.

She groans. "Fucking terrific."

She's avoiding my gaze, but I'm staring directly at her eyes. I notice they're laced with gray, just like the darkness in the night sky...

"We could talk," I suggest, almost losing my breath.

She meets my gaze and we lock eyes. My hand nearly loses its steady grip when she says, "Talk about what?"

Butterflies invade my stomach. "Whatever you wanna talk about."

Her eyebrows furrow together in thought and she glances up at the ceiling. "Death."

"Okay, how about a less brutal topic?" I say, and she smirks. I have to try to keep my voice steady as I suggest, "How about school? Let's talk about school."

She rolls her eyes. "School is a dark hole that holds screaming children for nine months." The corners of her lips raise up in a sick smile. "Kinda like a vagina."

My nose crinkles up in disgust. "Let's not go into that topic."

She chuckles, and I feel my face going red. "Whatever, Vega."

An awkward silence settles. Not being able to stand it, I ask, "So, how's your life going?"

I notice her jaw tighten. "It's fine," she responds coldly.

"Well, it doesn't sound fine, you know, since you suggested I fix your life earlier," I point out. My concern for her injury has subsided, but now is growing for her personal life. Jade has been pretty messed up for as long as I can remember, but I've never exactly discovered the reason why. I've always assumed it's been because of some family issues and her rocky relationship with Beck, but now I realize that it may be something more.

"I never said such a thing," she objects, her voice raising. Fear rushes through my blood, but I keep my composure.

"Yes, you did," I insist. "When talking about your cut, I said, 'I can fix it,' to which you responded with, 'What, my life?'"

"It was a _joke_, Tori!" she booms, bolting upright. The cloth flies to the ground, but none of us care. We're now nose-to-nose; the glare she's shooting me feels like it's drilling into my skull. However, although I'm rearming the glare, my heart can't help but beat faster. My throat goes dry as bone, and I feel myself getting lost in her eyes. I notice the deep blues, the sharp greens, and the murky grays in her eyes. I can feel her cool breath on her my lips.

The thought of the kiss reenters my mind, and my eyes lower down to her lips.

Without even thinking, I find myself leaning in.

To my surprise, it seems like she's leaning in too.

* * *

**There's no school tomorrow for me! Which means two things: Watching Sam & Cat at seven A.M. and an update!**

**So...how was the chapter? :)**


	12. Chapter Ten

**Jade. **

_Why am I leaning in? _

My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest. My fists are clenched tightly to prevent them from shaking. My face is red-hot. Numerous emotions are rushing into my brain, making my head spin: Anger, love, confusion, fear.

I was arguing with this girl a second ago; now I'm leaning in to kiss her.

_Stop! Jade! Stop it!_ my brain screams frantically. _Don't do it! This is how you'll get hurt!_

_Please don't let yourself get hurt. _

"Tori! Help me get this mustard off!" A loud bang at the door forces us apart, just as our lips are millimeters away. "Tori! _Mustard_!"

Anger bubbles in my stomach and I curse internally.

_You should be happy you didn't kiss. You can't risk anything, _my mind tells me.

_But you wanted to kiss her, _a different part of my mind points out, _and you won't be okay until you do._

_It hurts me to realize the insane voices in my head are right. Both of them. _

The door bursts, and in storms a yellow-faced Trina. Her fists are clenched tightly, and if there could be steam blowing out of her ears, there would be. It's hard to read her facial expression though, either because of the dried mustard slathered all over it, the stiffness of the condiment, or both.

Tori groans and I don't suppress my laugh. "You look like pus," I remark.

Trina stomps her foot on the ground furiously. "Not funny!" she fumes. "Tori—help! _Now_."

"Trina, we're working on a project," Tori tells her slowly, as if she's a five-year-old. She gestures to me, and I put on my mocking fake smile.

"I couldn't give a damn if you were on a hospital bed for herpes!" her sister shrieks. "Get it off!" She starts fanning around her face with her hands rapidly. "Shit, it got in my eyes! _The mustard is now in my eyes_!"

Tori glimpses back at me, eyebrows etched together. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from leaning in again.

I put a smirk on my face and raise an eyebrow. "What're you waiting for, Vega? Go help get the mustard off poor Trina's face."

She rolls her eyes at me and slowly gets off the bed, head hanging low as she trudges out the door with her panicked sister.

Once their footsteps are out of hearing range, I snatch my PearPhone from my pocket and immediately text Cat.

**Jade: Cat! I need to tell you something!**

Within seconds, I receive a reply.

**Cat: Yeeeeeesssss? **

**Cat: Are you still happy? I like it when you're happy. :D**

I roll my eyes.

**Jade: No. **

**Cat: D':**

**Jade: You know what, you're so damn annoying just to text. Goddammit, wait a second. **

**Cat: Kk!**

I quickly dial her number, my front teeth sinking into my bottom lip; Cat picks up on the second ring.

"Jade!" her high-pitched voice greets gleefully. I hear some muffled shuffling in the background, and I'm pretty sure she's dancing again.

"Cat, I almost kissed Tori," I say bluntly.

There's the sound of something fragile breaking on the floor, making me furrow my eyebrows together. The other line is dead silent; my stomach is churning as I glance up at the door.

Finally, after nearly two minutes, Cat squeaks out, "_Almost_?"

I gulp. "Well, yeah. _Almost_ as in _not quite._"

"So you didn't kiss her?"

"No!" I snap, rolling my eyes. "Hence the _almost_."

She falls silent, and I glimpse up at the door every five seconds, paranoid that Tori is going to burst into the room.

"So, when are you going to kiss her then?" Cat finally asks.

I grit my teeth. "We've talked about this. I'm not going to."

I can imagine her furrowing her eyebrows together and coming her head to the side as she says, "Why not? You promised."

"Well, my dad also promised my mom that they'd stay together," I point out. "So promises are meant to be broken."

She huffs. "Jade!" she whines.

I shrug, even though she can't see me. "Sorry. Life sucks, doesn't it?"

"_Jade_," she repeats, her tone forceful. "I know you're very, very scared—"

"Jade West is _never_ scared!"

"—but you have to keep your promises, no matter what! People get hurt by broken promises!"

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, no shit."

Cat sighs. "Jade, you're gonna get hurt either way. Instead of isolating yourself from the world and building a brick wall around your heart, you have to let it happen."

"So, you want me to just _let_ myself get hurt?" I demand. That's ridiculous. I'm not going to allow myself to become destroyed by anybody, even if the person is the love of my life.

Although, it would be an honor to have my heart broken by Tori Vega.

I can imagine her nodding. "Yup," she replies. "I mean, you hurt everybody at school. I guess it's about time to see what it's like the other way around."

"_What_?"

"Nothing!" she chirps. I hear a faint scream in the background. "Ooh! It's Sam!" Cat exclaims. "Gotta go! Bye bye, bestie!"

I groan and simply hang up the phone. Although I'm annoyed by Cat's friendliness, I can't help but be grateful for her. Even though she's ditzy and not the brightest, she gives thought-provoking advice at the best times.

_"You have to let it happen."_ I furrow my eyebrows together. According to Cat, I have to open up and just _let_ myself get hurt. Who the hell would do that?

I'm not willing to break down my walls; they were built for a reason and should be torn down with for a reason. Tori Vega isn't a valid enough reason to just leave myself vulnerable.

I run a hand through my hair. Tori is the girl I'm falling for. I can't just _not_ have feelings for her.

It's been this way for as long as I can remember, but I've only realized how intense my feelings actually are now. My feelings for her are rising like a flame; hot, intense, and dangerous.

_Fuck. _

Suddenly, Tori bursts into the room, her hair messed up and a disgusted look plastered into her face. Her hands and clothes are slathered with the yellow condiment.

"Jade—"

"Vega," I interrupt. Before she can finish her sentence, I blurt out, "I think we should do the stage kiss."

* * *

**No school for me tomorrow too! Ah, the perks of living in the Midwest...**

**On another note, I wrote this song for a girl (for those who are curious, I am a girl) I liked, and I realized how the song not only applied to my feelings, but to Jade's in this story as well. Damn. **

**Anyway, how was this chapter? I'm really appreciating all the reviews I'm receiving! :)**

**Honestly, it warms my heart and makes me incredibly proud to be an aspiring writer.**


	13. Chapter Eleven

**Tori. **

I raise an eyebrow, my heart racing and my hands becoming a bit sweaty. What has made her change her mind within five minutes?

I open my mouth, unsure of what to say for a moment. My head is spinning. I regather my thoughts and simply say, "Okay."

"Alright," is her plain response.

An awkward silence settles, before it is interrupted by Trina's loud cry: "Tori! The mustard is in my eyes again!"

I groan and curse under my breath, glancing at Jade one last time. She's wearing the smirk that brings butterflies to my stomach.

"Help your sister, Vega," she tells me, sarcasm laced with her words. "Get that mustard."

I roll my eyes and trudge out of my room, reluctantly heading to the bathroom to assist my sister.

XXX

"So, why do you want to do the kiss now?"

Jade and I are both sitting cross-legged on my bed. It's been an hour since I helped Trina with her mustard problem, and afterwards she had run off somewhere to search for another beauty remedy.

I'm quite surprised I got Jade in this position: Sitting right across from me, on my bed, without trying to murder me.

Jade's jaw clenches together tightly. I remember what happened earlier; I do want to kiss her, but I'm not going to risk getting her mad. I scoot backwards a little.

"Because kissing is romantic," she replies through gritted teeth, "and I want to make it romantic so I get a good grade."

I nod, not completely buying it. I mean, of course Jade wants to get a good grade; acting is her passion. However, this is _Jade West._ She is not the type to do anything intimate with anybody, even for a good grade. She's hesitant to give hugs; she wouldn't just decide to kiss somebody for a good grade within five minutes. Especially me.

"Alright. So, erm..." I trail off, my stomach fluttering with butterflies. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. "We're just going to kiss?"

Her eyes widen, and her mouth forms an O shape. Then she blinks and her face contorts back to its usual harsh look. "Well, fucking duh."

I gulp. "Like _now_, or?"

"Erm..."

_Please say now, please say now. _

"We could fake the kiss," Jade suddenly suggests. "I've seen a lot of actors do it on television."

My heart sinks. Her words feel like a stab to the chest; I find my throat going dry (why does this always seem to happen whenever something emotional occurs?) and I find myself being unable to form words.

So I just nod.

She scratches the back of her head, eyes now directed to the ground. Her eyebrows are knit together as she says, "Like, I could just kiss your chin and you could kiss the space above my lips. I could cup your face to make of look for passionate and hide the fake kiss."

Although it's fake, my heart swells. My chin? That's kind of, a little bit, incredibly adorable.

Tori, you two are not dating. She's just a girl who hates your guts who now so happens to be your love interest.

She snatches the script from between us, flipping through the pages; there are seven pages in the script. I'm not sure if it's because of the amount of content or the fact my handwriting is big.

"Why do I say 'yo' every five lines?" Jade demands, glaring at me.

"Because you're an uneducated high school dropout," I reply, shrugging.

"A high school dropout, not a fucking gang member." She flips the page and her eyes immediately widen. "Tori! I'm not calling you 'baby girl'!"

"It seemed like something stupid high school guys do!"

"'Baby girl' sounds like something creepy old men say!" she counters. "Besides, I'm still going to be a girl. Love has no gender, Vega."

_Love has no gender, Vega. _

"Fine," I give in, suppressing my rising emotions. I snatch the script. "I'll change it."

"Including the multiple 'yos'," she adds.

"Yes, I'll scratch out the multiple 'yos'," I agree, grinning from ear to ear. I swear there's a ghost of a smile on her lips as well.

"Anyway, when are we gonna start practicing?" I question.

Her lips press together into a thin line. "How about this," she begins, carefully taking the script from my grasp, "I edit this and make it less shitty, and then we start practicing tomorrow?"

My heart skips a beat. "Okay." I gulp. "That's fine."

"It better be."

XXX

Right after acting class is my science class. Although Hollywood Arts is a performing arts school, we are still required to take "normal" educational classes such as math, English, science, gym, and so on. In all honestly, science is my favorite mandatory class; it just intrigues how everything in the world is made out of minuscule atoms and Earth was once a steaming-hot rock that was inhabitable.

However, the unit we are currently working on speaks to me the most: Astronomy. The world beyond the blue skies has always interested me.

"Okay, class," the eccentric science teacher, Mrs. Phelps, announces, "you all are going to be working on a project."

The entire class groans, including me. Despite my love for science, I already have enough work on my hands.

"Sssh! It's not that hard of a project," Mrs. Phelps reassures us, although some students are still grumbling under their breaths. "All you have to do is create a poster containing information on anything we've learned during this unit: The planets, the Sun, the stars, asteroids..._anything_!" She pauses, which is something she usually does to apparently "build up suspension."

"However, only two people in this class can have the same subject," she informs us, and several students curse under their breaths. "We can't have all twenty-three of you doing a report on the Sun!

"This project is due on Valentine's Day, so you have three weeks!"

The bell rings, and everybody immediately scrambles either out the door or to her front desk to claim a subject. I rush over to her desk and manage to be the third person in line.

When finally first, I quickly say, "I want to write about the stars, please."

* * *

**Yay! I've learned how to add horizontal lines!**

**Mrs. Phelps was my seventh grade science teacher, and she was INSANE AS FUCK. She once took this kid's diabetic computer thingy (I'm not good with names) because she thought it was a cell phone. Yeah, she was a bit off...**

**She was my favorite seventh grade teacher. **

**Anyway, was this chapter enjoyable? I know it's not my best, but I still hope you like it. :)**


	14. Chapter Twelve

**Jade. **

Cat has to literally break into my house and drag my over to Tori's.

Since she rode her stupid pink bike over, it was her only form of transportation. I had refused to get on it, she grabbed a dog leash from her bag and—with much struggle—fastened it around my neck. So now I'm being dragging around Tori's neighborhood like a dog.

"Cat, is this necessary?" I growl. My collar is tight and my neck is starting to get itchy.

"Hey, you didn't fight back that much!" she protests, tugging on the collar a bit. The action makes me choke, and I begin spastically coughing.

"Sorry!" Cat chirps, but she continues tugging on the leash every few seconds. I have to run to keep up with the pace of her bicycle.

I glare at the back of her head, hoping I'll drill holes into them. However, Cat is right; usually I'd attack with all the strength I had, but this time, I didn't really make much of an effort. It's an unusual feeling. Even though I'm nervous and terrified, there's something that wills me to go.

I don't let this feeling faze me though. I've been feeling extremely confused lately.

I sigh heavily. "Cat, stop the bike."

Her bike screeches to a halt. She turns and looks at me, eyebrows furrowed in her usual confused expression.

"I'm going to," I begin, taking the collar off, "walk the rest of the way." I take a deep breath; my neck doesn't feel as constricted anymore. "It's only two blocks away now anyway."

"But you're not actually gonna go!" Cat exclaims. "You're just going to turn a corner or something and ditch!"

I roll my eyes. "I've liked this girl for the longest time. I don't think I'd want to waste any time with her."

"Well, the attitude you give me says otherwise."

I scoff. "Maybe it's because I get so fucking scared and lovey-dovey and icky whenever I'm around her!"

"Then don't do that!" Cat counters, shrugging nonchalantly.

"How the fuck can I just _not_ to that?" I demand.

"By sucking it up."

I open my mouth to scream at her, but I remember the promise, and the kiss, and everything that has occurred in the past three months.

_I've got to suck it up. _

XXX

An hour later, I'm sitting on Tori's bed, my heart racing. _Why did I have to agree to this?_

"So, um," Tori says, biting her lip, "when are we going to kiss?"

I think my heart stops functioning properly for a moment. "When do _you_ want to kiss?"

Her face immediately turns bright red, and so does mine. "I don't care. Whenever you want to, I guess..."

Suck it up. "Alright, erm, how about now?" I suggest, sitting up straight. She straightens herself up as well, eyes wide.

"Like..._now_ now?" she questions.

"Sure," I reply coolly, although I feel like throwing up my insides.

I lean forward so my hands are now touching her knees. There's a slightly foreign emotion registering into my brain: Love?

Her eyes flicker down at my hands before quickly making their way back up again. "So...lips to chin, right?"

"And lips to nose for me," I say, slowly leaning in.

_I can't believe I agreed to this. I can't believe I agreed to this. I can't believe I agreed to this._

_I can't believe I like her. _

* * *

**Yelp, annoying short chapter. I'm sorry about that—school resumed and the cold is making my Internet shitty. Instead of updates every day, expect the schedule to be a bit irregular. **


	15. Chapter Thirteen

**Tori. **

I don't think I should be surprised when Trina bangs on the door.

Jade and I jump apart, and my face turns red with fury. _Why?_

Jade's face, however, is a brighter shade of red than mine. She grumbles a string of obscenities under her breath as she loudly stomps over to the door. She opens it, slides into the hallway, and shuts the door.

I don't have time to call for her before she begins screaming.

"Trina fucking Vega!" her voice booms, anger obviously laced with her words. "All that I want to do is practice a fucking play with your fucking goddamn sister, and your ass keeps getting in the way!"

"I need Tori-"

"No, I need her!" Jade counters, and although I wince at her loud yelling, my heart warms up. _She needs me? In what way?_

"Need her for what?" my sister demands, taking the thought right out of my head.

She is answered by silence. I can literally feel my heartbeat as the intense silence settles.

"Well?" Trina prompts.

"Nothing," Jade's husky voice says gravely, accompanied by a sigh. "It's nothing."

The door to my room opens, and an ashen Jade slips into the door. She fixes her gaze onto me, making me want to explode into a pile of emotions. (Too graphic?)

"Tori, we need to talk," she tells me quietly.

I almost feel like throwing up. That sentence is never good.

I nod, stuffing my hands in my sweater pocket to conceal their shaking. "Okay, then," I agree, leading her out of the room. We pass by an open-mouthed Trina, who just stares at us in shock.

My stomach bubbling nervously, I lead her out onto the back patio. I slowly slide the glass door shut and sigh. Jade is standing five feet away from me, arms crossed.

I bite my lip and glimpse up at the sky; the sky is dark and sprinkled with stars. A vague smile creeps onto my face.

"Tori," Jade begins, and my attention immediately turns to her.

I fold my arms across my chest. "West," I say, mimicking the way she usually greets me.

She rolls her eyes. "Look, it's really hard for me to say this," she begins, "but I'm really fucking confused."

I raise an eyebrow. "Confused about what?"

Her jaw clamps together tightly. "You."

My heart instantly picks up speed. Me? Why?

"Everything about you lately has been driving me over the edge," Jade explains, pacing the length of the patio. Her hands are locked in her hair, and she's crinkling her nose like she's saying something disgusting. "I don't even know what I'm feeling. Honestly, I just don't want to be here right now." She groans and slams her fist against a tree trunk, making me jump. "But I fucking do want to be here, with you, preferably alone and having a better conversation." She whirls around so she's facing me, her eyes icy cold. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, but I've been beating the shit out of myself since my parents' divorce. I...I was _scared_, to put it simply." She shuts her eyes tightly and rubs her temple. "I guess the breakup"-the word is choked out-"kind of, well, _broke_ me." She chuckles, but it's forced and it makes me sick to my stomach.

"Don't you dare tell anyone I told you any of this," she warns me, storming past me; her arm brushes against mine and I immediately tense up. She slides the door open and strides across the living room. Before she can exit out the front door, however, she looks at me straight in the eyes and says, "You drive me insane, Vega."

And with that, she exits, leaving me a bundle of mixed emotions.

XXX

I'm reluctant to get up in the morning and go to school, but my mom wheedles me out of bed. And now I'm in the car with Trina.

To my fortune, she does not speak about the incident yesterday; instead the drive to Hollywood Arts is awkwardly silent, with the radio as background noise.

The silence may be a bad thing, though: It's leaving me time to think.

I have always been so sure of my emotions towards Jade, but from the way she spoke yesterday, she's obviously unsure of her emotions towards me. She also made it blatantly obvious that this was frustrating her.

She also spoke of her parents' divorce, and how it scared her. (If scared is a simple way to put it, the formal way to describe it terrifies me.) This could be the reason why she is so dark.

This might hint her emotions towards me; as in, the same emotions in feel towards her. The thought is making my stomach flip.

Trina pulls into a parking spot, interrupting my thoughts. I clutch my bag tightly.

"Tori, erm, fix this whole thing with Jade," my sister says softly, surprising me. "I have no clue what the hell is going on between you two, but it's pretty big, so I guess you should resolve it."

I nod slowly. "I'll try."

She smiles in a strange motherly way, which looks unnatural on her. Or maybe I just haven't seen her with a motherly smile too often.

"Good," she says. Her smile drops. "Now get out."

XXX

When I walk into Sikowitz's room, Jade's already there. She's not sitting in her usual seat, though, but conversing with Sikowitz instead. By the angry glare on her face and the terrified expression on his, I can tell they're in the middle of a heated argument.

"I heard her asking if she could switch partners," a soft voice says, and I look down go meet Cat's eyes. Her head is slightly tilted to the side.

"I don't get why she wants to switch partners, though," she murmurs. "She said she really liked you."

My eyes widen, and I swoop down so I'm eye-level with her. "Is that all she said?"

She giggles and shakes her head. "No. She told me all of the things she told you last night. I didn't really expect that from her, though..."

I raise an eyebrow. "Why did you tell you all of that?"

She shrugs. "She just does."

Cat is obviously somebody Jade trusts, so she most likely knows all of her secrets. Maybe I can force a few answers out of her...

_No. I'm not that type of person. _

I just nod and mumble a thank you, plopping down into my seat. Am I so desperate for answers that I considered forcing them out of Cat?

I truly am desperate for answers: _What does everything mean? Why are you scared? Why are you the way you are?_ I know it'll be difficult to find them out by asking Jade herself (it'd also probably result in a broken bone or something), but I _need_ answers. Ever since last night, I've been on the edge. I barely got any sleep, I literally feel the throwing up any second, and my head is spinning. And, just as Jade does, I'm _scared_. So fucking scared.

Therefore, it nearly kills me when I see Beck stand up and approach Jade.

* * *

**Ack! Sorry about the lack of updates! **

**Ugh, I've been working on a Spanish project, and after that I have to work on an essay. I won't be able to update as often. :(**

**Damn. These fucking projects are killing me. **


	16. Chapter Fourteen

**Jade. **

There's a rough hand placed on my shoulder, and I immediately tense up.

Drawing my attention away from Sikowitz, I whirl around and all the breath is knocked out of me.

Not in a good way though—I feel the ability to breathe being obliterated, replaced with a searing pain in my chest. His face triggers memories, memories that make my head throb in pain and my heart pound and my stomach nauseated.

Gritting my teeth together, I say, "Beck."

Beck just gives me a small smile. Ever since the inevitable breakup, he hasn't been looking so well; his hair has overgrown, so it now hands way below his shoulders. I'm certain he has given up shaving altogether, because a developing beard partially occupies his face. His dark brown eyes are dull, almost lifeless; they used to be deeming with lively energy. Now they're slightly bloodshot. Despite all of this, he is still lusted by the female population.

The thought of him being with another girl makes me grind my teeth. I am certainly not jealous; but there's just another emotion I feel, stronger than anger and stronger than sadness...

"What the fuck do you want?" I demand.

He sighs. "Jade...it's been too long—"

"If you want to get back together, don't even think about it."

"I just want to _talk_," he says simply. "That's it. Talk."

I clench my fists tightly, to the point my knuckles turn white.

"My house. At three," I tell him grudgingly, peering behind his figure to meet Tori's gaze. Her usual tanned complexion is now an sickly white.

Then, as the bell echoes throughout the school, she bites her lip and tears her gaze away.

XXX

The doorbell chimes loudly throughout the vacant house. The sudden noise makes me feel nauseous.

Clenching my hand into a fist, I make my way downstairs, making my steps painfully slow. Beck knows better than to ring twice; the last time he did that, I flung open the door and screamed into his face.

As my hands curl around the gleaming doorknob, I pause. Everything that has happened in the door is rushing back to me, making shivers run down my spine. I inhale, then exhale, hoping it'll work off some of the stress.

Then I open the door.

The sight of Beck brings the same reaction as earlier: Queasy stomach, boiling blood, overwhelming headache, and another unfamiliar and uncomfortable emotion settling into me.

The corner of his lip perks up into a small smile as he holds out his hand politely. I completely ignore his offer as snarl, "What the fuck do you want?"

He lowers his hand, his content expression not changing. I'm sure he was expecting rejection.

"I want to talk, remember?" he reminds me. "Just a plain, old, Beck-and-Jade talk." My eyes narrow and he raises his hands up in surrender. "I'm not making any moves on you. But I haven't been doing okay lately, and I can tell you haven't either."

I cock an eyebrow. "This involves you because...?"

His hands enter his pockets, and he casually says, "The breakup. Ever since the breakup, we've been messed up. Well, actually, you've been messed up way before that, but..." He trails off, shaking his hand. "May I come in?"

I instinctively press my hand against where my heart would be, as if he asked me, _May I enter your heart? _He didn't, but it feels like he has, and I dig the fingers of my free hand into my thigh to help suppress the thoughts.

"Depends," I reply through gritted teeth.

He sighs tiredly, running a hand through his untamed hair. "Please?" he implores.

I move slightly out of the way, allowing him space to enter. "Come on in. Fuck up my life again."

He gives me a grateful smile, entering my house. My stomach flips sickeningly as I lead him to the living room. He sits down on the black leather couch, and I sit opposite of him.

I cross my arms and narrow my eyes. "Okay, what?"

Instead of getting right into his intended conversation, he asks, "Where's your dad?"

My teeth sink into my bottom lip, drawing blood. "Working," I answer emotionlessly.

He accepts my vague answer. "So...talking."

I scoff. "Talking, my ass."

"Jade, what's wrong?" he questions, although it sounds more like a desperate plea.

I lean back against the seat and avert my gaze from him. "Nothing."

From my peripheral vision, I can see him roll his eyes. A faint smile creeps onto my lips.

"It's obvious you're not doing do well," he points out. "With the whole 'being bitchier than usual' thing."

I shrug. The fact he just called me a bitch doesn't faze me. I'm honestly used to it.

"And I'm not doing so well either," he admits, his confession accompanied by a weary sigh.

"Well, no shit, you've been mute for the past three months," I snap.

He does not flinch. Instead, he says, "The breakup impacted us in an equally bad way. Let's just leave it at that."

I'm glaring at him, but I nod slowly. "So that's all you want to say?"

He shakes his head. "No. I want to know how you're doing."

My insides seem to tighten in some sort of way, leaving me breathless. "I'm doing fine."

To my surprise, he breaks into a grin. "And you and _Tori_?"

The sound of her makes me bite my lip. "Don't _ever_ talk about it," I warn threateningly, pointing a finger at him. "Or else...or else I'll start gay rumors about you and André!" It's quite an immature threat, but it's the only one I can think of.

He snorts. "Already there."

Now more curious instead of angry, I ask, "Are you and André—"

"_No_," Beck replies firmly, forming an _X_ with his arms to elaborate his point. The corner of his lip is raised in a smirk. "But you and Tori?"

For a moment, I feel like I can't talk. Luckily, I manage out, "No. _Never_, in fact. _Never_."

He shrugs. "Sure."

If steam could blow out of my ears, it would. "Beck Oliver, I am _not_ dating Tori Vega. I will _never _date Tori Vega. But most of all, I do not need your 'help' or 'advice' or 'talks' in the slightest way possible. In fact, it'd be better if you remained mute. It does the world a favor."

He is emotionless. After about thirty seconds of staring at me, he finally gets up from the couch. I get up to go guide him to the door (and kick his ass on the way out), but he raises his hand to stop me.

"I've been here a billion times. I know how to leave." And with that, he rounds the corner into a hallway and disappears from my sight.


	17. Chapter Fifteen

**Tori. **

There's an urgent knock at the door, and I immediately begin wiping my face clean with one of the tissues surrounding me.

_Jade? _I think hopefully._ Or maybe André? He seems like the type to sense when something's wrong. Even though I haven't told him about this yet..._

_Jade?_

The urgent knocking escalates to loud banging, and then to "Tori fucking Vega! Open the door!"

_Jade. _

My heart beating rapidly, I race downstairs and yank open the door without a second thought. Jade's fist is raised in mid-knock, her knuckles centimeters away from my face.

I strain on a smile. "You're just"—I check my phone, even though I've been watching the clock carefully—"thirty-seven minutes late."

She rolls her eyes at me and shove her hand into her jacket pocket. Then, her foot tapping at an unusually fast pace, she glances off to the side. I can't help but lean forward and peer out the door.

The sky is overcast, which is generally strange for California, but I push the thought aside since it is January. Because the sun is not visible, the weather has distinctively dropped, and a gust of wind guides chilly air inside.

She turns back to face me, but since I've leaned forward, our noses are now touching. Back to where we were about a week ago: Noses touching, lips centimeters apart, my heart pounding against my ribs. I notice a tiny bead of sweat on her hairline.

_I don't sweat, my ass. _

"Oh, for fucks sake, Vega, I'm not gonna go through with this shit again," the raven-haired girl grumbles, and I'm surprised by soft lips against mine.

Whenever I fantasized about kissing her, I imagined it to be more passionate. But when her lips press against mine, she immediately tenses up and freezes. I'm not sure what this means; she _is_ the one who initiated the kiss, but now she's not doing anything. However, this doesn't hamper the joyful emotions I'm feeling.

Butterflies swarm into my stomach, making it tingle with joy. (Too weird-sounding?) Fireworks are igniting and exploding like crazy, despite the kiss being bland and the fact that I can kind of taste seafood. My arms are shaking, giving me the strange urge to wrap them around her neck. This is me, Tori Vega, kissing Jade West in the most awkward way possible. But I'm still receiving the intense emotions every girl normally feels when she kisses somebody she likes.

It takes a lot of self-discipline to suppress my grin.

"Jade?" I murmur against her lips. "Tuna sandwich?"

She pulls away, leaving a tingly feeling where her lips once were and me light-headed. I try not to touch my lips, fearing the action will scare her away.

Jade's usually pale complexion is now bright red. Her eyebrows are furrowed together in a seemingly worried way; _is she embarrassed? _

_Aww, yes she is._

She scratches the back of her head awkwardly. "Goddammit, should've brushed my teeth before I left..."

"Tori!" Trina's shrill voice hollers, and I hear footsteps make their way downstairs.

In a panic, I grab Jade's arm and call back, "Trina, I'm going out, bye!" And I drag Jade out the door, slamming it shut behind us.

"C'mon, let's get into your car," I say hurriedly, striding down my pathway and into the driveway. To my dismay, there is no car occupying it.

Jade bites her lip. "I was in a rush and couldn't find my keys."

"You didn't drive here in your car last week either," I suddenly note.

"Okay, I haven't had my keys for a while." She taps her foot impatiently. "Vega, we're in a rush here."

Tightening my grasp on her arm, I sigh heavily and drag her down the sidewalk, saying, "I have somewhere I kind of need to go."

XXX

"The sky is gray, Vega. Even if there are stars, I can't see shit."

I roll my eyes and lean back against the old oak tree. I've taken Jade to a place I've kept secret: A secluded hill with a large oak tree. It's not much, but up here, it's easy to see the night stars in the midst of the L.A. lights. My family went camping atop this hill when I was nine; I've been in love with this hill ever since.

We are surrounded by endless acres of pine trees. It seems ridiculous traveling here, with the risk of getting lost and murdered, but I've memorized the path. I know how to get back.

She's laying on the hard-packed ground, the grass like a halo surrounding her head. Her legs are crossed at the ankle, and her hands are folded across her chest. I can tell she's jittery by the way she's breathing. I've tried to camouflage my anxiety.

I cross my legs and sit down next to her. What I'm about to tell her is something I've never even told André. "I've been going to here since I was nine," I explain. "Everything here is just so serene. I use its peacefulness to clear my head."

She doesn't speak, but she nods slightly. "And you mentioned something about stargazing?"

I grin. "On a clear night, millions of stats and constellations are visible from here. It's breathtaking."

"I don't see stars," Jade grumbles.

"It's four in the afternoon and cloudy."

"I'm not impressed."

I roll my eyes at my crush/onstage love interest/possible real life love interest. "Don't you think the land beyond the clouds is interesting though? How it takes years for light from space to reach our eyes, so we're basically just seeing stuff from the past. And how some stars are brighter than others, but the brighter ones tend to last a shorter amount of time than the dimmer stars? Goes to show that the brightest don't always last longer. And how—"

"Make it shine," the ebony-haired girl mumbles to herself. "Your locker and that stupid fucking song." She snorts. "You're a science dork, Vega."

I shrug. "I can't help it."

She sits up, legs crossed as well. "Anyway, go on. Not that I'm interested in hearing about your dorky science shit."

I smile. "Isn't is interesting how the things that are out of this world can take your breath away?" _Like you, Jade, a shining star. _I poke her nose and say, "Like you. You're out of this world."

Her nose crinkles at the contact, her eyes widening. Despite this, I don't hold back, scooting in closer. _Face your fears, Tori. _

"You take my breath away," I say softly. "Would it be okay if I take away yours?"

* * *

**Sorry about the non-sexual kiss. **


	18. Chapter Sixteen

In comparison, the emotions I've felt for the past few weeks are nothing compared to how I feel now.

The same emotions still remain—confusion, sadness, self-hatred, infatuation—but just intensified. I thought the whole situation with Beck gave me a headache. That was nothing.

But as I'm sitting here next to Tori, whom I might have some sort a weird romantic relationship with, I can't help but think about the promise with Cat, Tori's words, and, of course, the heartbreak. The pain of getting hurt by the people I trusted always seems to outweigh everything else.

_You take my breath away. Would it be okay if I took away yours?_ Her words are ringing in my head. _Would it be okay if I unexpectedly entered into your life and completely fucked you over? _

I ball my hand into a fist and my jaw sets. _Stop over thinking. Pain doesn't necessarily come with everything._

But when I've lived my life with a heartache following every good thing, it's hard for me to believe otherwise.

"Jade?" Tori prompts, poking my arm hesitantly. The contact makes electricity course through my veins.

I respond by clamping my eyes shut. _Yeah, I've never experienced a real headache until now. _

"Jade?" the Latina repeats, her tone full of worry. When I manage to open my eyes and glance over at her, I see that her dark brown eyes are swimming with concern.

"Did I say something wrong?" she questions softly, her eyes glazed over with what looks like developing tears.

My hands tangle into my hair as I get up to my feet. I groan and begin pacing back and forth frantically, unsure of what to do.

"Jade!" Tori leaps to her feet as well and seizes my arms, halting me and holding me steady. She's a decent arms' length away from my face, which I find a good thing at this moment. I don't want to kiss her right now; mostly because she terrifies me and also because my breath smells like tuna.

"I have to go," I state through gritted teeth, storming down the hill. I hear footsteps race after me and I heavily sigh.

"Listen, I know this is confusing for you right now," Tori pants. Her words cause me to stop and whirl around. Of course, she runs straight into me, our lips just about to meet again before I manage to shove her away.

"I know it's confusing for you," she repeats, her breath now steady, "but you have to remember that it's sort of confusing for me, too."

"'Sort of'?" I demand.

She flinches. "Well, I've known that I'm gay for a while, so figuring out that I like you wasn't that difficult."

"You _what_ me?"

She bites her lip. "Yeah."

I open my mouth to speak, but, as always, I am unable to form words. My heart literally feels on the verge of exploding, and so does my brain.

"I—I have to go," I say hurriedly, turning around and sprinting towards the trees.

"Do you even _know_ how to get out?" Tori asks frantically, and I can hear her footsteps trailing behind me.

"I'm assuming that I run straight!" I call back, and I disappear into the forest.

XXX

Cat squeals. "Really?"

I roll my eyes and bite back an insult. "Yes."

The only reason why I'm at Cat's place is because it's the closest from the forest. Luckily, while swerving and dodging cars on the road, I managed to lose Tori.

Now I'm standing in Cat's living room while she's pretty much having a seizure. Sam is sitting on the couch with a chicken puck, watching the event unfold.

"So wait," Sam begins, taking a bite out of the circular food, "you kissed her and she asked you out and then you ran away?"

"Happens a lot," I mutter.

"Ah." Sam nods.

Cat's mini-seizure subsides. "Wait—you ran away _again_?"

"Yes..."

The redhead groans. "Jade! You two are supposed to have a future together! You can't do that if you keep running away!"

My eyes widen. A future? Growing up and eventually getting married has always been an alarming thought. But a future with _Tori_? Terrifying.

As if she read my mind, Cat says, "We're all gonna marry someone we never expected to before."

Sam's eyebrows furrow together at her words.

"But _Tori_?"

"Anything can happen."

"But—but I'm _scared_," I murmur, and Sam mutters, "Pussy..."

"Oh, look who's talking, Miss I-Can't-Ask-Her-Out-Already," I growl, jerking my head towards Cat.

Sam opens her mouth to shoot back an insult, but Cat whirls around and gives her a stern glare. The blonde reluctantly clamps her mouth shut.

"Whipped," I grumble. "And at least I kissed her."

Cat turns around to direct the glare to me. I roll my eyes.

"Now, what're you scared of?" my auburn-haired friend asks gently.

"Getting hurt," I mumble. "Relationships. And getting hurt."

Cat bites her lip, seemingly deep in thought. "Are you scared of relationships in general, or just being in an openly gay relationship?"

It takes me a moment, but I finally reply, "Both."

"If it makes you feel better," Sam begins, "you both are gonna be coming out by making out, so..." She shrugs.

I narrow my eyes. "That doesn't help, Sam."

Sam shrugs again, muttering, "Well, then I've got nothing."

I groan, burying my face into my hands. Cat rushes over and begins rubbing my back soothingly.

"Get over your fears, Jade," she advises gently.

"It's not that easy!" I exclaim, causing both Sam and Cat to jump. "It's easier said than done!"

"Well, I never said it'd be easy!" Cat shoots back.

"It doesn't help to just simply tell me to get over it!" I boom, and Sam leaps to her feet and jumps in between us.

"Cam down, calm down!" she yells frantically, and our cries subside. "I'm gonna try to be Nice Sam right now, which doesn't happen a lot, so don't get she's to it." She faces me, keeping her hand on Cat's chest to separate us. "Jade, it's not gonna be easy. That's something you should've expected. I have no idea what shit you've been through to make you so scared, but I'm not gonna ask. But just think about it. Think about your potential future with Tori and all that icky romantic shit. If facing your fears isn't easy, then it should at least be worth it."

_Worth it. _Is Tori worth it? It takes my brain less than a millisecond to decide that she is, which is alarming. But it's going to take my brain longer to decide if leaving myself vulnerable once again would be worth it.

My headache is returning. I need to go home.


	19. Chapter Seventeen

**Tori. **

It's been a week, and I haven't seen or heard from Jade since then.

Of course, I've tried to contact her. I've left her numerous texts and voicemails, came over (but nobody answered the door), and questioned Cat about her wellbeing, to which she yelped, "I don't know!" She's hiding something.

I know I shouldn't be surprised Jade has withdrawn herself again. I mean, we _kissed _and then I became all romantic. In that moment, I was totally prepared to be in a relationship with her. But apparently, she wasn't on the same page as me, and I feel like it's because she's battling something I don't know about.

These past seven days have taken a toll on me as well. Jade is no longer a person I can admire from afar; she has shown possible feelings for me as well, and the hurt from her just disappearing after that is distinctively painful. She's always been unpredictable, but she has no idea how much I like her. I just wish she'd realize how much I genuinely care and stop playing mind games, if that's what she's doing.

André comes running up to me in basketball shorts and a jersey. The number five is written across the jersey, and I raise an eyebrow.

"Whose jersey is that?" I question.

"Not mine, found it at the lost and found," he pants. "Anyway, I have problems. Everybody thinks I'm gay. _Everybody_."

"Well..."

"Tori!" he cuts me off, shooting me a stern glare. "This is _serious_. If every girl thinks I'm gay, then none of them will date me or take me seriously when I ask them out!"

I chuckle, grabbing my bag and shutting my locker. "That's not a very big problem. Nobody takes you seriously with that hair anyway." I playfully snatch one of his dreads and he gives me a warning look.

"Okay, hands off," I say, raising both my hands in surrender. "Don't worry, it'll blow over. Robbie got through it."

"True," he agrees.

I shrug. "See? Besides, I think I have bigger problems."

The bell rings, and we both amble down the hallway. "Is it a Jade problem?" André questions.

"Yeah," I admit, sighing. "There's something I haven't exactly told you..."

He cocks an eyebrow, seemingly slightly hurt. "What?"

I glance around to make sure there's nobody around; everybody has scurried off to class or lunch. I grab André's arm to halt our walking.

"I kissed Jade."

My friend's eyes widen immediately, his jaw dropping as well. He attempts to say something that sounds like "wha-wha-what?" but he does not form a coherent sentence. If I were André, I'd be shocked as well; I wouldn't have expected to even get close to Jade, yet I managed to get to first base.

I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. André is still looking around the hallway, as if he's looking for someone to burst through a window and yell out, "You've been Punk'd!" His mouth is still agape, and I gently place my fingers below his chin to close it.

"Actually, Jade kissed me, and I totally did not expect it," I correct.

André manages to nod.

"But it's not like we made out or anything!" I clarify. "I mean, she tasted like tuna fish and she kinda kissed like one too..."

He chuckles, although it sounds awkward. "Anything else?"

"I took her to this hill where I stargaze a lot," I tell him dreamily. He rolls his eyes. "I told her that outer space took my breath away and so did she."

"I'm surprised that you didn't say she was 'out of this world'," André mutters. I smack his arm.

"Anyway, she ran away. Typical Jade move," I grumble.

He sighs. "Well, you probably overwhelm her. No offense."

"I know I do," I mutter. "I feel like she's going through something that's making her like this and it frustrates me. I mean, she _implied_ some romantic feelings towards me and if we start dating, I want to know that there is commitment. I don't want her to be detached."

"There needs to be commitment in every relationship," André agrees. "But have you seen Beck and Jade's relationship? Jade's obviously not the 'commitment' type."

"Kind of more like the making out type," I say. "Which is okay with me, but I need a girlfriend who is _there_. Like, _physically_ _there_."

He opens his mouth to speak, but all of a sudden there's a loud crash, like something hitting the lockers. André and I jump in surprise, and footsteps begin to fade away. But the boy immediately sprints after the footsteps, leaving me terrified. _Was somebody eavesdropping on us?_

A few minutes later, André returns, panting like he had been earlier. "No luck."

I groan. "Great. Another person knowing my personal life."

André pats my back supportively. "Hey, somebody would need _a lot_ of guts to spread this about Jade."

"Good point," I say. I clap my friend on the shoulder and he lets out a wheeze.

I chuckle. "C'mon, let's go get some lunch. I'm starving."

XXX

At around eight o' clock P.M., the doorbell rings. Seconds later, Trina bellows, "Tori, it's your idiot friend Robbie!"

_Robbie? What does he want?_

Although I'm in a tank top and pajama pants, Robbie isn't picky, so I make my way downstairs. Robbie is standing at the doorway, his hands folded awkwardly. Surprisingly, his wooden companion is not here. Trina is rummaging through the fridge.

"Hey," I greet, giving him a small wave.

"Hey," he replies uncomfortably. His eyes travel down and I snap my fingers and point to my eyes.

"My eyes are up here, Robbie."

"Sorry, hormones," he apologizes, his brown eyes meeting mine. He points to the patio and asks, "Can we take it out back? I need to talk to you about something."

My stomach churns nervously. If he came here at a time like to this to talk about something, it must be very important. And remembering that talk with André earlier today, it also makes me extremely nervous.

I lead him out to the patio and say, "So what is it that you wanna talk about?"

He bites his lip. "Um..."

"What?" I press on, getting more and more nervous by the second.

"I heard something," he confesses, and I immediately punch his arm. He yelps and cradles it.

"_You_ were the one eavesdropping!" I boom, and he backs up into a tree.

"I didn't mean to, I swear!" he yelps. "I was going over to your locker to ask you for help on that science project, and I heard you and André talking!"

"You still chose to _listen_!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I _love_ gossip!" he whimpers. He's holding his hands over his face as a form of defense. "Please don't hurt me. You're one of the nicest people I know."

I fume, but fold my arms across my chest so I don't attack him. "What do you know?" I demand. "How much did you hear?"

"Well, Jade kissed you and then you took her on this romantic hill. But you scared her off by saying a pick-up line—a shitty one, might I add—and scared her off," he drones quickly, making it almost impossible for me to understand him. But I manage to comprehend his words.

"First of all, you don't tell anyone about this," I tell him threateningly, and he nods vigorously. "Secondly, the pick-up line was _not_ shitty."

"Tori, if that was the best you had, then it's shitty."

I roll my eyes. "Can you leave now?"

"One question," he promises, and he steps forward and brushes himself off. "Does this make you"—he hesitates—"gay?"

"Lesbian, actually," I correct, patting the top of his curly hair. "Now leave."

He sighs and I lead him to the door. Before he exits, however, he turns around and says, "It's perfectly fine with me, you know. I hope things between you and Jade work out."

I smile. "Thanks, Robbie. Really. It means a lot."

He smiles back and shrugs. "Hey, anything for a friend. Can you promise me something, though?"

"What is it?"

"Can I watch?"

I roll my eyes, and slam the door in his face.

* * *

**The weather is unbelievable here. Literally freezing my tits off. But on the bright side, school's out again! ^_^**


	20. Chapter Eighteen

**Jade. **

_I can't do it. _

Isn't it hard to imagine? The brave and bold Jade West, hiding inside of her room because of a crush?

I was scared before, of course, but my intention was to suck it up and get over it. Obviously, that did not happen. And now I'm more terrified than ever.

My phone buzzes from the bedside table; I groan and throw the blanket over my head. I know it's Cat. She's been texting me nonstop, and I've been purposely ignoring her just to avoid a lecture.

My phone buzzes once again, and I clamp my hands over my ears. The outspoken Jade West, retreating to her blanket to hide from her problems. God, I can't stand myself.

This time, the phone rings, and I furiously throw my blanket aside and snatch my phone. Without even glancing at the caller ID, I press ANSWER.

"What the fuck do you want?" I growl.

"Jade," a male voice says, and I immediately wince.

"Beck," I reply bitterly, trying to keep my voice steady. "Why are you calling me?"

"Tori's a mess, Jade, you've got to come back to school," he tells me, his voice strained.

I roll my eyes. "Ever since when did I care about Tori? Never. Therefore, I'm not going back to school." It takes plenty of willpower to utter out those words, but I force them out.

He sighs. I can imagine him running a hand through his hair. "Well, if you didn't care about Tori, then I don't understand why you're seemingly hiding from her. It's like you're scared or something."

My jaw clenches tightly. "I am _not_ scared."

"Seems like it." He pauses, as if waiting for my response. "If you won't return to school because of Tori, at least come back because of your project. Also, you've missed a truckload of homework."

"Whatever," I snap, and hang up the phone.

I push Beck's words out of my mind before I can over think. Then I collapse down onto my bed and throw the blanket over me again.

XXX

_At least do it for your project. _

As I'm standing by my locker, Beck's words echo in my mind. I convince myself that this is the reason why I'm going back to school: For the project. _Do it for your project. _

Despite my efforts, I know the truth.

"Jade!" a cheerful voice exclaims, and I brace myself. Cat sprints towards me and throws her arms around my body in a tight embrace.

"I knew you'd come through!" she shouts gleefully, earning stares from people in the hallway.

"I never read any of your texts," I tell her bluntly. "Now get off me."

She immediately obeys, a broad smile across her face. I manage a small smile and continue grabbing my needed items from my locker.

"Ooh!" the auburn-haired girl cries out. "Tori! Tori Tori Tori! Jade's here!"

I close my eyes shut and curse under my breath. Goddammit. Should've stayed home. I should've stayed home.

"Jade," a weak voice breathes, and I reluctantly open my eyes and turn to her. Blue meets brown.

"Vega."

* * *

**I'm incredibly sorry for the lack of updates. I've been extremely busy lately. I'll try to get a chapter in at least once a week. **


	21. Chapter Nineteen

**Tori. **

The sight of her almost makes me faint.

Not because of her sudden appearance, or because of how stunning she is. Instead, a pained feeling settles into my gut, and I force myself to stare straight into her eyes.

Still blue-green—gorgeous, might I add. But they're widened, as if she's a deer caught in headlights. Also, her eyes are shiny—glazed over from tears? Developing tears?

Her skin is ashen, as if she's just seen a ghost. Actually, it's so white, she looks like a ghost. White. A white dwarf is a type of star. She is a star.

Oh, goddammit, Tori.

The urge to kiss her or wrap my arms around her or just simply throw myself to her is unbearable. But I am aware of how much I just _can't_ do it, and my arms are now twitching as I'm trying to keep them still.

My feelings for her are visible; I'd do anything to make her happy. But I think it's best to wait a while and think about this.

"Jade," I say, almost breathlessly. "Hi."

The raven-haired girl nods in acknowledgement.

"I'm going to go," I say flatly, and I don't look at her expression as I saunter away.

XXX

Nine missed calls from Robbie asking me if I noticed Jade's presence. More than twenty unanswered texts from André; more than thirty from Cat. And they all say I "wasn't acting like myself."

I wasn't trying to show any anger towards Jade; I just didn't want to overwhelm her. Or maybe I didn't want to overwhelm myself. I don't know. Things have been weird lately.

The window in my room is open, allowing the cool February air to roam inside. I sigh as I gaze out at the night sky.

Then something—or _someone_—catches my eye.

There's a tall figure walking down my driveway. I'm assuming this person is a girl from the long hair and curvy figure. A person enters my mind.

"For God's sake, this late at night?" I grumble, but I sprint downstairs and open the front door. Jade has barely made it to the door; she's still at the end of my driveway, taking small steps.

"Jade!" I call out, and her gaze meets mine. "What the hell are you doing?"

Without answering my question, she sprints towards me and connects our lips. A surge of energy rushes through me, and I don't hesitate to kiss back.

After a few seconds, we pull apart, and she says, "I'm a fucking idiot."

I crack a small smile. "That is correct."

She rolls her eyes. "Vega, I'm not kidding. I've been a cunt lately. I just—I'm just"—she gulps visibly—"_scared_, alright? Everything in my life has always led to heartbreak, and I'm scared to get close, and I guess I'm just a bitch in general—"

I throw my arms around her neck and connect our lips once again, but more softly this time. She sighs and murmurs against my lips, "I have a lot of explaining to do."

"Damn right."

XXX

Now Jade and I are atop the hill, under the giant oak tree. Since it is late at night, and the skies are clear despite it being February, the stars are visible.

I glance over at Jade; her mouth is agape in what looks like awe. The stars above make her eyes gleam. She's just gorgeous.

"Beautiful, right?" I ask, and she nods slowly.

"Like you," I add, and Jade rolls her eyes and turns to look at me.

"When the fuck did you become so smooth?"

I shrug. "I don't even know."

She rolls her eyes again. "So...should I tell you everything now?"

"That would be lovely."

She flinches at the word lovely and mutters, "God, you need a new vocabulary." She sighs. "Alright, where should I start? Well, it started when my parents got divorced when I was twelve. They had a very unhealthy relationship to begin with in the first place. So when they divorced, I learned that love doesn't last forever. And one wall was built around my heart. Then, my father started drinking a lot and he became a huge dick. I guess the loss of his wife affected him in some way I'll never understand, but he resorted to insulting me and screaming at me constantly. Now I like to think that everyone's just bitter inside, with a cold ice shard installed into their hearts. Second wall. Then, Beck."

My jaw tightens at his name, but Jade unexpectedly places her hand on my knee, calming me.

"Anyway, our relationship became really messed up, and the third wall was built. I guess our relationship wasn't very stable because of my distant personality; I'd push him away, but then get extremely jealous whenever a girl even tried _breathing_ around him."

"Yeah, I'd know," I grumble. The memory of my first day at Hollywood Arts enters my mind, and I shudder.

"Shut up, Vega, I'm telling you a story. Anyway, when we broke up..." She trails off, but then continues: "When Beck and I broke up, I believed that love was _dead_. Useless. Pretty much nonexistent."

"And the fourth wall went up," I whisper.

She nods. "Yup."

I take a moment to process this: Because of all of the hardships Jade has endured, she decided to lock her heart inside a safe and become a bitter person?

I gulp. "Jade, I think it'd be best if you opened up."

She arches an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I think you should try to understand that not everyone's out to get you," I explain slowly, choosing my words carefully. "I understand that the things you've gone through tell you otherwise, but you shouldn't always think like that. Fear is an all-consuming thing, but it's also an illusion. You're not afraid of heights, you're afraid of falling. You're not afraid of the dark, you're afraid of what's in it. I firmly believe that you're not scared of things, you're scared of ideas. Like the idea of falling, or the idea of monsters, or the idea of getting hurt by someone you opened up to. Except for spiders. _Always_ be scared of spiders, no matter what." I clear my throat. "Anyway, it's best to get over fears like this. Or, in your case, extreme fears. Because in the end, it'll be worth it."

* * *

**Guess whose birthday was yesterday? MINE WAS! :D**

**But yeah, this is my actual belief (the whole fear thing). **


	22. Chapter Twenty

**Jade. **

I feel two emotions right now.

Anger is the more dominant emotion. The pit of my stomach is bubbling with pure rage. How could she be so naïve? She's obviously never gone through the emotional trauma I've faced. So how could she suggest that I simply get over this "irritational fear?"

The second emotion I feel is consolation; it's more subtle, but it's still there, and it attempts to soothe my anger. Although it's insensitive, I know she told me this because she has the best intentions. And it's wonderful knowing that somebody wants the best for you.

Because of these mixed emotions, I simply say, "Tori Vega, you are the most comforting asshole."

Her eyebrows crease together in confusion. "Is that a compliment?"

"Well, you simultaneously pissed me off and consoled me. So, fifty-fifty," I tell her with a shrug.

She nods, seemingly accepting this. "Alrighty then."

"Never say that again." I wince. "Too cheerful."

She rolls her eyes and leans towards me, giving me a peck on the cheek. I haven't gotten such physical contact (besides, you know, almost making out with her about an hour ago), so the feeling is alien to me. The last time I was kissed on the cheek was the day before Beck broke up with me.

Despite the thought of him lurking in my head, I feel all right.

Then, the question that has caused me numerous sleepless nights: "Are we a couple now?"

I don't answer for a moment; I ponder the question thoroughly. After all of the pain I've been through, am I really going to open up and get into a relationship with a _girl_? I mean, of course I like her. Definitely. But the fear still lingers, and surprisingly I haven't told Tori off yet for telling me to get over it.

Plus, this is _Tori_. I'm supposedly meant to loathe her existence and cheerfulness and lovely cheekbones. Of course, I don't anymore, but still. It's not like a care about the opinions of others, but if somebody reacts negatively, how will Tori feel?

"Potentially," I finally answer, deciding that it is the best response.

She frowns. "_Potentially_?"

I sigh. "Listen, don't get me wrong: I like you. I'm one hundred percent certain of that. And trust me, I think I've showed my inner emotions with my actions, but as I'm saying this right now, I feel like throwing up." And it's true. I'm admitting my emotions again, and it's literally making me want to retch out my dinner. "Anyway, I need more time."

"Do you need another year?" Tori demands, her tone laced with venom. She's suddenly so angry, and I almost feel scared. _Almost_. "Jade, I've waited so damn long—"

"Oh, she's swearing. I'm so terrified," I say with mock fear.

She ignores my retort and continues: "—and I don't mean to suddenly come at you, but I'm really stressed out about this situation right now, and I'd really like it if you made up your mind."

"And I'd really like to not be fucking terrified," I shoot back bitterly. The consolation has now vanished; pure rage has taken it's place. "Can't you just _try_ to understand how scared I am? I know that you can only understand to a certain extent but still, it's pissing me off."

"What's pissing you off?" she demands.

"How you're forcing all of this," I reply bitterly. "And whoop-de-fucking-doo—you've managed to turn a nice conversation into an argument again."

She is silent. Her expression is contorted into one of fury.

"Okay, maybe I didn't initiate this," she concurs. "But I'm not the one who can't make up her mind."

"You know, I used to think that I was the bad guy," I muse, almost chuckling. "Look at you now."

Her face drops. Sadness replaces the rage that occupied her face a second ago. Her eyes glisten with tears.

My stomach drops once I've realized what I've done.

Scratching the back of my head awkwardly, I mutter, "Well, I guess I'm the bad guy again."

* * *

**Okay, explanations. **

**I apologize for the lack of updates lately. The teachers at my school have been assigning tons of homework, and I haven't been able to put in time for updates. **

**In addition, I've been writing other things lately, and I've taken some time out of my schedule to work on those. **

**But I sincerely promise that I'll try my hardest to update good content for you guys. **

**So, I want to genuinely thank all of you for being patient and reading this story. I'm absolutely astounded with all of the positive comments. :)**


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